I’ve been talking to several working moms lately and have been interested in the things they’re doing that are making it difficult for them to live their best lives. They’ve been sharing what’s working and what isn’t, but they’re also seeing their life from “inside their box.”
What I mean by this is that they can get so caught up in their daily routines and struggles that it’s hard for them to see things objectively. It’s like they’re stuck in a “box” made up of their comfort zones, habits, societal expectations, and personal insecurities.
The truth is that we’re all inside our own box made up of our upbringing and beliefs we’ve accumulated over the years.
The thing is, when you’re inside this box, it’s easy to overlook the habits that are actually holding you back. For example, you might not realize how much time you spend trying to please others—whether it’s your boss, colleagues, or even your family—at the expense of your own well-being.
You might not see how the fear of change keeps you stuck in unfulfilling routines or how living in the past stops you from enjoying the present and planning for the future.
This narrow perspective can also lead to self-criticism and overthinking, where every decision feels overwhelmingly important.
Thankfully, by stepping outside this box and challenging your ingrained habits, you can start to see your life in a new light. You can begin to recognize the patterns that are detrimental to your happiness and well-being and take proactive steps to change them.
In my talks with these working moms, I’ve noticed 5 things that most of us need to quit right now. These 5 things are extremely common, but they need to be addressed if we’re going to have a shot at having the lives we want and deserve.
This week I’m going to discuss each of the 5 things to quit right now and what you can begin to do to live your best life.
#1 – Quit trying to please others
Let’s talk about something almost every working mom can relate to: the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of trying to please everyone around you—your boss, your colleagues, your kids, your partner.
You want to be there for everyone, but in doing so, you often end up neglecting yourself.
Why do we do this? Part of it is societal expectations. We’re often conditioned to believe that being a good mom or a good employee means putting everyone else first.
And sure, it’s great to be caring and considerate, but constantly putting others’ needs ahead of your own can take a serious toll on your mental and physical health. You might find yourself feeling exhausted, stressed out, and even resentful.
Over time, this can lead to burnout, making it harder to be the amazing mom and professional that you are.
So, how do we quit trying to please others? Here are a few tips that can help:
Set Boundaries – First and foremost, set some boundaries. This might mean not answering work emails after a certain time, or telling your kids that mommy needs 30 minutes of quiet time. Boundaries help protect your time and energy, making it easier to manage your responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed.
Learn to Say No – Next up, learn to say no. This can be incredibly hard, especially if you’re used to being the go-to person for everything. But saying no doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you a smart one. It’s okay to turn down extra projects at work or to decline a social invitation if you’re feeling stretched too thin. Remember, it’s about preserving your well-being so you can be at your best when it truly matters.
Prioritize Self-Care – And finally, prioritize self-care. This isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days (though those are great too!). Self-care means making time for activities that recharge you, whether that’s reading a book, going for a walk, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to take care of others.
In the end, trying to please everyone is an impossible task. By setting boundaries, learning to say no, and prioritizing self-care, you can start to shift the focus back to yourself.
This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about recognizing that you matter too. And when you’re happy and healthy, everyone around you benefits.
#2 – Quit fearing change
Let’s dive into another big one: fearing change. Change can be super intimidating, especially for working moms.
You’ve got your routines down to a science, and any disruption can feel like it throws your whole world into chaos. Whether it’s a new job, a change in your child’s school schedule, or even just a new family dynamic, the thought of change can be downright scary.
But here’s the thing—change isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can often lead to amazing opportunities and growth.
Embracing change can open doors you never even knew existed. It can bring new experiences, new skills, and even new relationships that enrich your life in ways you wouldn’t have imagined.
So, how do we quit fearing change and start seeing change as a positive? Here are a few strategies that can help:
Focus on the Positives – First, try to focus on the positives. Instead of dwelling on what you might lose or what could go wrong, think about what you stand to gain. Maybe that new job offers better work-life balance, or a change in your routine allows for more quality family time. Shifting your mindset to see the potential benefits can make the idea of change much less daunting.
Take Small Steps – Next, take small steps. Big changes can be overwhelming, but breaking them down into smaller, manageable steps can make them feel more achievable. If you’re thinking about a career change, start by updating your resume or taking a course to build new skills. If you’re dealing with changes at home, make small adjustments to your routine and see how they work out. Each small step can build your confidence and make the overall change feel less overwhelming.
Seek Support from Loved Ones – And don’t forget to seek support from your loved ones. Talk to your partner, friends, or family about what you’re going through. They can offer encouragement, advice, and sometimes just a listening ear, which can make a huge difference. Knowing that you have a support system can make it easier to face change head-on.
The bottom line is that change can be scary, but it’s also a natural part of life. By focusing on the positives, taking small steps, and seeking support from loved ones, you can start to see change as an opportunity rather than a threat.
Remember, every change brings a chance to grow and learn, and that’s something to be excited about.
#3 – Quit living in the past
Let’s talk about something that many of us struggle with: living in the past. It’s so easy to get caught up in replaying past mistakes or dwelling on experiences that didn’t go as planned.
Maybe you think about a time you wish you had handled differently or regret a decision that led you to where you are now. While it’s natural to reflect on the past, staying stuck there can really hinder your progress and keep you from enjoying the present or planning for the future.
When you’re constantly focusing on what went wrong, it’s hard to see what’s going right. You might miss out on the joys and opportunities that are happening around you right now.
Plus, holding onto past regrets can weigh you down, making it tough to move forward with confidence.
So, how do we quit living in the past and start living more fully in the present? Here are a few tips that can help:
Practice Mindfulness – First, practice mindfulness. This means being fully present in the moment, paying attention to what’s happening right now without judgment. Mindfulness can help you break the cycle of dwelling on the past by bringing your focus back to the here and now. Try simple practices like deep breathing, meditation, or just taking a few minutes each day to sit quietly and notice your surroundings.
Set Future Goals – Next, set future goals. Having something to look forward to can help shift your focus from the past to the future. Think about what you want to achieve, whether it’s a career milestone, a personal project, or a family adventure. Setting goals gives you a sense of direction and purpose, making it easier to leave past regrets behind.
Seek Professional Help if Needed – And if you find it particularly hard to move on, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Sometimes, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide the support and tools you need to let go of the past. They can help you work through lingering issues and develop strategies to focus on the present and future.
Living in the past can hold you back, but by practicing mindfulness, setting future goals, and seeking professional help if needed, you can start to free yourself from those old burdens.
Remember, the past is behind you for a reason—it’s time to embrace the present and look forward to the bright future ahead.
#4 – Quit putting yourself down
Now let’s talk about something that’s all too common: putting yourself down. Negative self-talk can be a real confidence killer.
You know that mean girl voice in your head that says things like, “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess things up”? That voice can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and overall well-being.
Constantly criticizing yourself can lead to a host of problems, from anxiety and depression to a lack of motivation. It’s like having a bully in your own head, and it’s exhausting. So, how do we silence that inner critic and start being kinder to ourselves?
First off, it’s important to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend.
Everyone makes mistakes and has off days—it’s just part of being human. Instead of beating yourself up, try to learn from your experiences and move forward.
Positive affirmations can also be a game-changer. These are simple, positive statements you say to yourself to challenge and overcome negative thoughts.
Phrases like, “I am capable,” “I am deserving of good things,” or “I did my best today” can help shift your mindset and build your self-esteem over time.
Here are some additional ways to boost your self esteem:
Celebrate Small Victories – One great way to boost your self-esteem is to celebrate small victories. Did you finish a big project at work? Get through a tough day with the kids? Make a delicious dinner? Give yourself a pat on the back for these accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing and celebrating your achievements can help you see your worth and capabilities more clearly.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People – Another important step is to surround yourself with supportive people. Spend time with friends and family who lift you up and believe in you. Their positivity and encouragement can help counteract your negative self-talk. It’s amazing how much a kind word or a supportive hug can do for your self-esteem.
Engage in Activities That Make You Feel Good – Finally, engage in activities that make you feel good. Whether it’s a hobby you love, a workout that energizes you, or just taking time to relax and unwind, doing things that bring you joy can improve your mood and boost your confidence. When you take care of yourself and make time for things you enjoy, you’re reinforcing the message that you are worth taking care of.
Putting yourself down does no good and only drags you down. By practicing self-compassion, using positive affirmations, celebrating small victories, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and engaging in activities that make you feel good, you can start to build yourself up instead.
Remember, you deserve kindness—from others and, most importantly, from yourself.
#5 – Quit overthinking
Last but not least is overthinking. If you’re a working mom, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.
Overthinking can feel like a never-ending loop in your mind, where you’re constantly replaying scenarios, second-guessing decisions, and worrying about all the “what ifs.” While it’s natural to think things through, overthinking can easily spiral into stress and anxiety.
When you overthink, it’s like your brain is stuck in overdrive. You’re constantly analyzing every detail and imagining all the possible outcomes, which can be mentally exhausting.
This can lead to increased stress, making it harder to focus on the present moment and enjoy your day-to-day life. The key to breaking free from the cycle of overthinking is to start living in the moment and making decisive actions.
When you’re fully present, you’re not caught up in what might happen or what did happen—you’re focused on what’s happening right now. This shift in focus can help reduce anxiety and make you feel more in control.
So, how do you quit overthinking? Here are a few techniques that can help:
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation – First, practice mindfulness and meditation. These techniques are great for calming your mind and bringing your attention back to the present. Even just a few minutes of deep breathing or a short meditation session can make a big difference. Apps like Headspace or Calm can be a great place to start if you’re new to meditation.
Limit Information Intake – Next, limit your information intake. In today’s world, we’re bombarded with information from all directions—news, social media, emails, and more. While it’s good to stay informed, too much information can fuel overthinking. Set boundaries for how much time you spend consuming news or scrolling through social media. Focus on what’s necessary and let go of the rest.
Break Tasks into Smaller, Manageable Steps – Finally, break tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Big tasks can be overwhelming and lead to overthinking about how to get everything done. Instead, break them down into smaller steps that you can tackle one at a time. This makes the task feel more manageable and gives you a clear path forward, reducing the urge to overthink.
Overthinking can take a toll on your mental health, but by practicing mindfulness and meditation, limiting information intake, and breaking tasks into smaller steps, you can start to regain control.
Remember, it’s about living in the moment and taking things one step at a time.
So, hopefully you can see that by letting go of habits that hold you back, you can create a healthier and more fulfilling life. Remember to stop trying to please everyone, embrace change, let go of the past, silence that inner critic, and curb overthinking.
By making these changes, you’re not only improving your own well-being but also setting a powerful example for your children. Take small steps, be kind to yourself, and celebrate every little victory along the way. You’ve got the strength and resilience to create your best life!
Questions to consider:
#1 – Quit trying to please others: In what situations do you find yourself most frequently trying to please others, and how does this affect your own well-being and happiness?
#2 – Quit fearing change: What changes have you been avoiding in your life due to fear, and what positive outcomes might come from embracing those changes?
#3 – Quit living in the past: Which past experiences or mistakes do you often find yourself dwelling on, and how can you shift your focus to the present and future to move forward?
#4 – Quit putting yourself down: What are some common negative thoughts you have about yourself, and how can you start replacing them with positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem?
#5 – Quit overthinking: In what areas of your life do you tend to overthink the most, and what strategies can you use to break tasks into smaller steps and reduce your stress?