In today’s world, the traditional family setup is changing fast. More women are stepping up as the main earners in their families, balancing demanding jobs with family responsibilities.
The truth is that being a breadwinning mom is a journey filled with both challenges and rewards that change how we think about work, family, and personal fulfillment.
If your day is anything like other accountant moms’, you’re up before dawn, getting the kids ready for school, packing lunches, and squeezing in a few minutes to enjoy your coffee. Your day is filled with back-to-back meetings, project deadlines, and constant phone notifications.
By the time you get home, there’s homework to help with, dinners to prepare, and bedtime stories to read. Sound familiar? This is the life of a breadwinning mom, where the to-do list seems endless, and balancing work and family feels like juggling too many balls at once.
Many women become the primary earners out of ambition, necessity, or a desire for financial independence. But whatever your reason, it can also be about breaking stereotypes and challenging the old idea that a woman’s place is solely in the home.
While it’s often rewarding to support your family financially, this role comes with unique challenges that can feel overwhelming. Society often expects mothers to be nurturing and present while also excelling in their careers.
Unfortunately, this dual expectation can create a lot of pressure, leading to feelings of guilt and stress.
In a previous episode, #83, I interviewed Jennifer Barrett, the author of “Think Like a Breadwinner.” In her book, she talks about how women can shift their mindset to embrace being the main earner and take control of their financial futures.
She emphasizes the importance of financial literacy and planning, saying women should not only contribute to their family’s income but also take the lead in financial decisions. It was such a pleasure interviewing her and discussing her insights, but today I want to discuss this topic further.
So whether you’ve chosen to be the breadwinner or had the role thrust upon you, it’s important to recognize both the challenges and rewards. It can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be a burden.
After my divorce, I became the main breadwinner in my family, and I can tell you it was a challenging time, balancing my career with my children’s needs. There were moments of doubt and exhaustion but also moments of immense pride and accomplishment.
I learned that being a breadwinning mom isn’t just about providing financially; it’s about setting an example of resilience and determination for my children. They saw me working hard and pursuing my goals, and I always hoped it would inspire them to do the same.
Today, they’re both very successful in their careers. When I interviewed them a few years ago for a Mother’s Day episode of the podcast, they shared how being raised by a working mom positively impacted them, but I also think that my role as the breadwinner also had a positive impact on them as well.
Believe me, I know the road isn’t always easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
This week, I’m going to discuss both the challenges and rewards of being a breadwinning mom.
The challenges of being a breadwinning mom
Being a breadwinning mom definitely comes with its own set of unique challenges, which is why I want to start by exploring some of the common obstacles breadwinning moms face and offering practical tips to overcome them.
Managing Time: Finding a balance between professional responsibilities and family needs can be tough, but with some planning and prioritizing, it can be done.
Tip: Use a shared digital calendar so everyone knows what’s going on and nothing falls through the cracks. Setting clear boundaries can help you stay organized and ensure you have time for both your personal and professional life. I always say that time management is math, not drama.
Guilt and Societal Expectations: Many of us working moms face internal and external pressures. Society often expects mothers to be fully present at home while excelling in their careers, leading to feelings of guilt.
Tip: Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it’s okay to seek help and delegate tasks. Outsourcing grocery shopping and house cleaning does not mean you’re failing. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand and respect your commitments. Remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s enough.
Stress and Burnout: The constant hustle can lead to stress and burnout. It’s important to recognize when you’re overwhelmed and take steps to manage your stress.
Tip: Ask for help often. In addition to lightening your load in whatever ways you can, don’t forget to incorporate regular self-care activities into your routine, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Taking short breaks throughout the day can help you recharge and reduce stress.
Career Development: Finding time for career development can be challenging when you’re already stretched thin.
Tip: Set aside dedicated time each week for professional development. Even if it’s just an hour, consistent effort can lead to significant progress over time. Look for growth opportunities that fit into your schedule, like online courses or workshops.
Financial Pressures: As the primary earner, managing family finances can be stressful.
Tip: Even though we’re accountants, sometimes we don’t actually do the things we recommend for our clients. That’s why creating a budget and sticking to it is essential. Planning for both short-term expenses and long-term goals can help provide a sense of security.
Relationship Dynamics: If you have a significant other, earning more than your partner can create tension and shift dynamics in your relationship.
Tip: Open and honest communication is key. Regularly discuss your financial situation, goals, and feelings with your partner. Make decisions together and ensure both partners feel valued and involved in financial planning.
Emergency Fund: Having an emergency fund is crucial for unforeseen expenses. This was super important when I was the main breadwinner.
Tip: Start by setting aside a small amount each month and gradually build it up. Knowing you have a financial safety net can ease some of the pressure and help you feel more secure.
Bottom line: While it can be tough, with the right strategies and support, you can find a balance that works for you and your family. Remember, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about doing your best and taking it one step at a time.
The rewards of being a breadwinning mom
As I just discussed, while being a breadwinning mom comes with its challenges, it also brings more rewards than you might realize. Now, I want to explore the many rewards of being a breadwinning mom, helping you to feel better, whether you choose to be one or circumstances dictate that you are one.
One of the greatest rewards of being a breadwinning mom is the joy and pride that comes from your professional accomplishments. Achieving your career goals and making meaningful contributions at work can be incredibly fulfilling.
It’s a reminder that you’re capable and strong and it gives you a sense of purpose beyond the home. When I was the main breadwinner, I often stopped to really take in all that I was doing to be able to keep my home after my divorce and keep myself and my children afloat.
After my divorce was finalized, my bosses said they were so impressed by how I didn’t let it affect my job performance. I told them it had a lot to do with feeling proud of myself for doing what I needed to do.
The second amazing reward is being a role model for your children. I can tell you first-hand that as a breadwinning mom, you’re setting a powerful example for your children.
They see you working hard and pursuing your goals, which teaches them the value of dedication and perseverance. Your kids learn that it’s possible to balance a career and family life, and they grow up with a role model who shows them the importance of ambition and hard work.
When my son, Brendan, graduated college and was offered a job right away with the company he had interned for, the HR director said, “When would you like to start? I’m assuming you want to take off some time since you just graduated.” He replied, “I was raised with a strong work ethic; I’ll start Monday.”
We still laugh about it today because he said the HR director looked shocked. But he also learned how to balance a strong work ethic with having a balanced life as well.
The third reward of being a breadwinning mom is that maintaining your career helps you keep a strong sense of self and financial independence. It’s easy to lose yourself in the roles of mother and wife, but your job allows you to continue growing and developing as an individual.
Financial independence also means you have control over your life and decisions, which is incredibly empowering. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I had an accounting career that would support me when I became the breadwinner.
All my education, passing the CPA exam, and hard work had built a strong foundation that I could lean on. I could have never known what my future would hold, but I’m so happy that I worked so hard to become a CPA.
The fourth reward is being an integral part of securing your family’s future. Being the primary earner means you play a crucial role in providing financial security and stability for your family.
Your income helps cover daily expenses, save for the future, and ensure your family has what it needs to thrive. This security can bring peace of mind, knowing that you’re protecting and caring for your loved ones.
The fifth reward of being a breadwinning mom is the ability to invest in opportunities. With a stable income, you can invest in opportunities that can benefit your family in the long run.
This might include better education for your children, extracurricular activities, or memorable family experiences like vacations. These investments not only enrich your family’s life but also create lasting memories and opportunities for growth.
For me, that meant investing in my life coach education and betting on myself. When I pursued an advanced certification to become a Professional Certified Life Coach for Accountants, it was a sizable financial investment, but I remember telling myself, “This will be paid off in two years,” and it was.
And the last benefit is empowerment and resilience. Whether you realize it or not, balancing a demanding career and family life builds strength and resilience.
Each day presents new challenges, and overcoming them helps you grow more resilient. This strength not only benefits you but also sets a strong example for your children, showing them how to handle adversity with grace and determination.
I never realized how strong and capable I was until I became a breadwinning mom. I built a resilience that I’ve carried with me today, especially as I deal with my current cancer diagnosis.
Bottom line: while being a breadwinning mom comes with its share of challenges, the rewards are significant and deeply fulfilling. From personal satisfaction and setting a positive example for your children to achieving financial stability and building resilience, the benefits of this role are profound.
I know it can seem overwhelming a lot of the time, but embrace these rewards and take pride in the incredible work you’re doing, both at home and in your career.
Questions to consider
How can I set a positive example of resilience and determination for my children through my role as a breadwinning mom? Reflect on the ways you demonstrate hard work and perseverance in your daily life, and consider how you can share these lessons with your children through conversations and actions.
What strategies can I implement to manage stress and avoid burnout while fulfilling my responsibilities at work and home? Explore incorporating regular self-care routines, setting boundaries, and seeking support from family and friends to ensure you maintain a healthy balance and prevent burnout.
Do I have an emergency fund in place, and how can I start building one to provide a financial safety net for my family? Assess your current savings and create a plan to set aside a small amount each month, gradually increasing it over time to build a robust emergency fund that can cover unforeseen expenses.