Today’s topic is one that I believe we all struggle with. So, let me start by asking if you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your choices because you’re worried about what others might think? Maybe you’ve wondered if people will approve of your new outfit or if your friends will like the way you’ve styled your hair.
Or maybe you’ve held back on sharing a bold idea at work because you’re afraid of being judged. This probably happens more than you realize, making you feel like you’re constantly under a microscope.
As working moms, we often face a unique blend of expectations and judgments, both from others and from ourselves. We juggle career demands, family responsibilities, and personal aspirations, all while trying to meet a set of standards that sometimes feel impossible.
It’s easy to get caught up in what others think about how we manage everything, from our parenting styles to our career choices.
Take a moment and think about how often you’ve asked yourself questions like, “Will they think I’m a good mom?” or “What will people think if I leave the office before everyone else to have dinner with my kids?” These thoughts can be so ingrained that we might not even realize how much they influence our decisions and behavior.
The truth is that worrying about others’ opinions can be exhausting and limiting. It can keep us from living authentically.
In other words, when we constantly try to mold ourselves into what we think others want us to be, we lose sight of who we really are and what we truly want.
For example, imagine being at a family gathering and feeling hesitant to share your achievements at work because you’re afraid it might come off as bragging or that it might make someone else feel uncomfortable. Or think about how often you might opt for the “safe” choice, whether it’s in your wardrobe, your weekend plans, or how you spend your free time, just to avoid potential criticism or disapproval.
We can easily fall into the trap of thinking that if we act, dress, or achieve certain things, everyone will like us and think we’re doing a great job. But here’s the problem: no matter how hard we try, we can’t control what others think.
People’s opinions are shaped by their own experiences, beliefs, and moods. What one person loves, another might dislike, and that’s okay.
The good news is that realizing that we can’t control others’ opinions can be incredibly liberating. It allows us to focus on being true to ourselves and making choices that align with our values and desires rather than constantly trying to please others.
When we stop twisting ourselves into pretzels to fit into others’ expectations, we can show up as our authentic selves, which is ultimately more fulfilling and sustainable.
This week, I’m going to discuss why we have a never-ending quest for approval and how to find freedom in being yourself.
The never-ending quest for approval
One of the biggest traps we fall into is worrying about what “everyone” thinks. But who exactly is “everyone”? Most of the time, it’s just a faceless crowd we’ve made up in our heads.
We might think, “What will everyone think if I take a day off for my kids?” or “How will everyone react if I speak up at that meeting?” This vague idea of “everyone” can stop us from doing things that might actually make us happier.
Think about the areas of your life where you look for approval:
Career: We often judge our success by what others think of our work. We chase promotions, praise, and recognition. But at what cost? We might take on tasks we don’t care about or work long hours, sacrificing personal time just for approval.
Appearance: How often have you changed your outfit multiple times, worrying about what others might think? Or spent extra time and money on beauty treatments just to fit a certain image?
Actions: Everyday decisions, like what we post on social media or how we discipline our kids, can be influenced by fear of judgment. We hold back on sharing our true thoughts or trying new things because we’re afraid of how others might react.
Here’s the reality: trying to control what others think of us is impossible. Opinions are always changing, and you can’t control what’s in someone else’s mind any more than you can control the weather.
Let’s say you’re at a party with ten different people. You’re the same you, wearing the same outfit, telling the same stories. But each of those ten people will have a different opinion of you.
One might think you’re charming, another might find you too talkative, and someone else might not remember you at all. This happens because their opinions are based on their own experiences, not on who you really are.
For example, you might remind one person of their best friend, making them instantly like you. But to someone else, you might remind them of someone they had a bad experience with, and they dislike you for no reason. Their reaction has more to do with their past than anything you’ve said or done.
The problem with constantly seeking approval is that we change ourselves to fit someone else’s expectations. We might dress, talk, or even set goals based on what we think others want from us.
But this leads to living a life that doesn’t feel true to who we are. It’s like wearing a mask all the time, which is exhausting.
Here’s a personal example. After publishing my book, “The Smarter Accountant,” I saw a negative one-star review. At first, I laughed and thought, “Did this person even read the book?”
But then my mind started spinning: “What if they’re right? Should I change something?” Even though many accountants have told me how helpful the book is, my brain was still focused on trying to please that one person.
For you, it might be parenting. How often do we worry about being judged by other parents? You might sign your kids up for activities not because they want to, but because you think it will make you look like a good parent. This can lead to overscheduled kids and exhausted parents, all because you’re trying to meet an external standard.
The key insight here is simple: not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. In fact, one of my favorite quotes is, “You could be the juiciest peach in the world, but there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches.”
The truth is that once you accept that, you can free yourself from the exhausting task of trying to please everyone. Focus on being your true self. It’s far more fulfilling in the long run. So, let’s stop trying to control what others think and focus on what truly matters—being ourselves. But how do you do that?
Finding freedom in being yourself
Embracing your true self can completely transform how you feel, both at work and at home. It’s like finally exhaling after holding your breath for too long. But how do you actually do that when so much of your life seems to revolve around others’ expectations?
First, start by noticing when you’re seeking approval. Whether it’s at work, with your family, or among other parents, catch yourself in those moments where you’re wondering, “What will they think of me?” Awareness is the first step. Once you realize how often this happens, you can begin to shift your focus.
Next, question those thoughts. Ask yourself, “Am I doing this because it aligns with my values, or am I doing it to get others’ approval?” This small reflection can help you make decisions that are based on what feels right for you, rather than what you think others expect from you.
A simple way to apply this is by making choices that prioritize your own comfort and happiness. For example, at work, instead of feeling pressured to say yes to every project or work late to prove your dedication, start saying yes to what truly matters. Focus on what’s important to you and the goals that align with your long-term vision, not just what earns you praise in the moment.
At home, the same principle applies. You don’t have to sign your kids up for every activity or attend every school event if it doesn’t fit with your schedule or your values. Choose what makes sense for you and your family, and let go of the guilt that comes from not doing it all.
Another key step is learning to embrace criticism. It can sting, especially when you’ve put yourself out there. But remember, not everyone’s opinion is a reflection of your worth.
Some people will appreciate you, and others may not—and that’s okay. When criticism comes your way, pause and ask yourself, “Is this feedback helpful, or is it just their opinion?” If it’s useful, great, take it and improve. If it’s not, let it go.
For example, I remember getting a negative review on my book. At first, it bothered me, and I started to question whether I should change something.
But then I reminded myself that this one person’s opinion didn’t define the value of my work. By letting go of that need to win them over, I found more freedom in standing by what I had created.
Being yourself also means setting boundaries that honor who you are. If you know certain things drain your energy, like attending too many social events or constantly being “on” at work, give yourself permission to step back. As you set these boundaries, you’ll start to feel more in control of your time and energy.
Lastly, find and surround yourself with people who appreciate the real you. When you’re authentic, you naturally attract those who value you for who you are. This makes your relationships—both at work and at home—more meaningful and fulfilling. You’ll feel less pressure to impress and more freedom to simply be yourself.
It’s important to remember that being yourself takes courage. Not everyone will like the real you, and that’s perfectly fine. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to navigate life with confidence, knowing that your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions.
So, how do you find freedom in being yourself? By letting go of approval-seeking, embracing criticism as part of the process, setting boundaries, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you.
The more you focus on what truly matters to you, the more you’ll feel free to live authentically—both in your personal life and in your work.
Let’s all give ourselves permission to show up as we are, flaws and all. When we do, not only do we feel more at peace, but we also inspire others to embrace their true selves too. After all, life is too short to be anyone but yourself.
Questions to consider:
Question: Am I making decisions based on my true desires or others’ expectations? Reflect on recent decisions you’ve made. Were they influenced by what you genuinely wanted or by what you thought others would approve of? Identify one area where you can start making choices that align more closely with your true desires.
Question: How do I react to criticism, and what does it reveal about my self-perception? Think about the last time you received criticism. Did it make you feel defensive, anxious, or disheartened? Consider how you can reframe criticism as a learning opportunity rather than a personal attack, and identify steps to take constructive feedback more positively.
Question: What aspects of myself have I been hiding or altering to fit in? Identify a part of your personality or interests that you’ve suppressed to conform to others’ expectations. Plan one way to embrace and showcase this aspect of yourself in your daily life, whether it’s through a hobby, your style, or how you interact with others.