Today, I want to talk about something I’ve noticed coming up a lot with my coaching clients lately – jealousy. It’s one of those emotions that can sneak up on us, leaving us feeling insecure or like we’re not enough.
Whether it’s seeing a colleague get a promotion, watching a friend go on another amazing vacation, or noticing how another working mom seems to juggle everything so effortlessly, jealousy can show up before we even realize it.
We all feel it from time to time, but no one really talks about it openly. Think about it – from a young age, we’re taught not to feel jealous, and when we do, we end up feeling guilty.
Jealousy happens when we compare ourselves to someone else’s success and feel a bit of envy. It’s easy to look around and feel like everyone else is moving ahead while we’re stuck wondering what we’re doing wrong. As working moms, we already have so much on our plates, so it’s even easier to fall into that trap of comparing ourselves to others who seem to have it all together.
But here’s something important to remember: jealousy is a completely normal feeling. It doesn’t define who we are. In fact, it’s more like a little signal telling us what we really want deep down.
And it’s totally okay to want more for yourself or feel a twinge of envy when you see someone with something you desire. The key is how we deal with that feeling.
Jealousy often comes from something called a “scarcity mindset,” which I’ll get into a bit more in a minute. Basically, it’s the belief that there’s only so much success, happiness, or fulfillment to go around. When we think this way, we see someone else’s success as a loss for us – like there’s only one pie, and every slice someone else takes means less for us.
But life isn’t a pie! There’s plenty of success to go around for everyone.
Another thing to keep in mind is that jealousy is often based on assumptions. We might think someone else’s life is perfect or that they’ve had it easy. But we rarely know the full story. Everyone faces challenges and struggles, even if they don’t show it.
By recognizing and understanding our jealousy, we can start shifting our perspective and use that energy to grow and improve ourselves. Instead of feeling ashamed about it, let’s focus on turning this uncomfortable emotion into a stepping stone toward becoming the best version of ourselves.
This week, I’m going to discuss the root of the problem and how to shift gears from jealousy to abundance.
The root of the problem
Let’s dig into where jealousy really comes from. Like I mentioned earlier, jealousy often comes from what’s called a “scarcity mindset.”
This mindset is like wearing glasses that make everything seem limited. It’s the belief that there’s only so much success, happiness, or achievement to go around. So, if someone else has more, that means there’s less for you.
Think about it – have you ever looked at another mom who seems to have everything together and felt a little knot in your stomach? Maybe it’s a mom who manages to make it to every soccer game, bake homemade cookies, and still excel at her job. That’s the scarcity mindset kicking in.
It feels like you’re in a race, and someone else is always ahead of you. This way of thinking makes us compare ourselves to others in a negative way, stirring up feelings of not being good enough.
In a world that feels super competitive, it’s easy to believe there can only be one winner. When we see another mom balancing work, family, and personal time effortlessly, it can feel like we’re falling behind or missing something.
But this kind of thinking really holds us back. When we’re busy focusing on what other moms have, we’re not paying attention to what we have. Instead of celebrating their success, we let it overshadow our own wins – like finally organizing the kids’ schedule or meeting a work deadline we’ve been stressing over.
I totally get it because I’ve been there too. I’ve felt that sting of jealousy when a coworker got praise, or when a friend found time for daily workouts while I was struggling to get through a busy day. It’s tough because it feels like you’re constantly measuring yourself against others.
But here’s what I’ve learned: jealousy is a signal that something deeper is going on.
A lot of this comes from competitiveness. As working moms, we often feel pressure to be the best at everything – work, parenting, keeping the household running smoothly. Maybe you feel like you need to be at every parent-teacher conference while also handling work deadlines like a pro.
A little competition can push us to improve, but if we’re not careful, it can also feed jealousy. The trick is to use that competitive spirit to grow personally instead of comparing ourselves to others.
We don’t want jealousy to take over because it can really drag us down. It leads to more self-doubt, less motivation, and it can mess with both our careers and our happiness.
When we’re focused on what others are doing – like that mom who seems to do it all without breaking a sweat – we’re not putting that energy into our own lives. Instead of enjoying our own progress, we’re too busy keeping score, and that just leaves us feeling “less than.”
So, how do we break out of this scarcity trap? It starts with realizing that success isn’t a limited resource. Just because someone else is crushing it at work and at home doesn’t mean there’s less success available for you.
Success is abundant, and there’s plenty to go around. When we shift our focus from what others have to what we can create – whether it’s finding new ways to balance work and home life or taking pride in the small victories – we open ourselves up to more possibilities and growth.
I’ve also found it helpful to look at other moms’ success as inspiration. Instead of feeling envious, I see it as proof of what’s possible. If another mom can find time for herself amidst all her responsibilities, then it’s a goal I can work toward, too.
At the end of the day, jealousy is just a sign that we’re not giving ourselves enough credit for what we’ve accomplished and what we’re capable of. When we stop comparing and start celebrating our own victories – like getting through a tough workweek or finally finding a routine that works for the family – we begin to see the world as full of opportunities instead of limitations.
How to shift gears from jealousy to abundance
Let’s talk about how we can move from feeling jealous to embracing abundance. Imagine looking at the world in a way that shows you there’s more than enough success for everyone. That’s what having an abundance mindset is all about—seeing possibilities, not limitations, and realizing that someone else’s success doesn’t mean there’s less for you.
An abundance mindset is the perfect antidote to jealousy. It’s like flipping a switch in your brain, so instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you start seeing opportunities all around you. When you believe that success is available to everyone, you’re less likely to compare yourself negatively to others.
For example, think about a time when someone at work got credit for a great idea in a meeting. Instead of feeling jealous, ask yourself what you can learn from their success. Maybe they presented their idea with more confidence or took a fresh approach that caught everyone’s attention. Use this moment to improve your own skills rather than dwelling on what didn’t go your way.
Or, if you notice a coworker getting promoted, instead of thinking you’re falling behind, ask yourself: “What steps can I take to reach my next goal?” Use their success as motivation to figure out your next moves, like taking a course or asking for new responsibilities at work.
Since jealousy isn’t easy to shake, here are a few strategies to help. First, think about what’s causing those feelings. Is it a coworker’s promotion? A friend’s seemingly perfect life? When you feel jealous, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself questions like: “What do I have? What steps can I take toward my goals?” Shifting your focus this way helps you turn jealousy into motivation.
Another helpful approach is doing a self-check when jealousy pops up. For example, if a friend is buying a new house and you feel envious, ask yourself: “What is it about their situation that I want? Is it financial security or something else?” Understanding these feelings helps you set clear goals toward what you really want.
Next, focus on improving yourself instead of competing with others. Set personal goals and track your own progress. This takes your focus off others and puts it on your own growth. For example, if you’re training for a race, focus on beating your personal best time instead of comparing yourself to others. This way, you can celebrate your own progress.
It’s also helpful to celebrate others’ successes. When you see someone achieve something, let it inspire you rather than trigger envy. Congratulate them and use their journey as motivation for your own. When we lift each other up, we all grow together. For example, if a friend wins an award at work, ask them to share their story. You’ll likely learn something valuable and strengthen your relationship at the same time.
Now, let’s go over a few practical tips for shifting to an abundance mindset:
Gratitude Journaling: As I mentioned in my episode on “Practicing Radical Gratitude,” take a few minutes each day to write down things you’re grateful for. It could be as simple as a sunny day or a work project you’re proud of. Over time, this practice helps you focus on the positives in your life rather than what you feel is missing.
Visualizing Personal Success: Spend time visualizing yourself achieving your goals. Picture how you’ll feel and the steps you’ll take to get there. This boosts your confidence and motivation. For example, imagine yourself reaching a big career milestone, like earning a promotion or completing a challenging project. Visualization can strengthen your belief in your ability to succeed.
Creating a Vision Board: I’ve done this many times and it’s always amazing to see how much of it comes true. You can make a physical or virtual vision board filled with images and words that represent your dreams. Place it somewhere you’ll see it daily to keep those goals front and center.
Lastly, consider joining supportive communities that celebrate success, like the private CPA MOMS Facebook group. Surrounding yourself with people on a similar journey can be incredibly motivating and helps you stay focused on your own path.
The bottom line? Jealousy may be tough, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. By shifting from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, you can turn those feelings into inspiration and self-improvement. Success isn’t a limited resource—there’s enough for everyone, including you.
Let’s all commit to seeing the world with abundance, celebrating our victories, and supporting each other along the way.
Questions to consider:
Question: Who am I feeling jealous of, and what does their success reveal about the goals I want to set for myself? By identifying the individuals you envy and understanding what aspects of their success resonate with you, you can gain clarity on your own aspirations and set meaningful goals that align with your values and desires.
Question: What specific goals do I want to achieve, and how can I start working towards them today? By focusing on your unique path and setting actionable goals, you can channel your energy into personal growth and success rather than comparing yourself to others.
Question: In what areas of my life can I shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset? By recognizing opportunities and viewing success as limitless, you can create a mindset that encourages positivity, collaboration, and growth for yourself and those around you.