Let’s talk about something almost every working mom deals with but rarely talks about—judgment and criticism. It shows up in so many ways, and no matter how confident you try to be, it can really sting.
Have you ever left work at a reasonable time to pick up your kids and felt like you were being silently—or not so silently—judged? Maybe a coworker makes a snide comment, or you get that look from someone as if to say, “Must be nice to leave early.”
This happened to me many times when I worked at Deloitte. It’s like there’s an invisible scoreboard keeping track of how much time you spend working versus parenting.
The thing is, juggling work and family is already hard enough without feeling like you’re under a microscope. You’re trying to do your best for your family and your career, but somehow, it never feels like enough. It’s exhausting, and it can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly.
Why is it that judgment from others, or even ourselves, can hit so hard? Why does one comment, one glance, or even one unspoken assumption stick with us for hours—or days? It’s almost like our brains are wired to take every criticism and use it as proof that we’re not doing enough.
And let’s be honest, sometimes the hardest critic to deal with is the one inside your own head. You might be telling yourself that you should work harder, be more present, or somehow magically do both without breaking a sweat. It’s easy to feel like you’re failing no matter what you do.
So how do you handle it? How do you keep yourself from getting caught up in the judgment and criticism—whether it’s coming from others or from yourself? Is there a way to feel good about the choices you’re making without letting those voices of doubt get the best of you?
This is such an important topic because judgment and criticism aren’t going away. But the good news is, how we deal with them is entirely within our control. Whether it’s a snarky comment from a coworker or that little voice in your head telling you you’re not doing enough, there’s a way to take back your power and feel more confident in your choices.
If you’ve ever felt torn between what others expect of you and what you know is best for you and your family, this episode is for you. Let’s dive in and explore how to move through judgment and criticism with more ease, confidence, and clarity. You deserve to feel good about the amazing job you’re doing, even if the world doesn’t always make it easy.
This week, I’m going to discuss why judgment and criticism feel so heavy and how to take back control.
Why Judgment Hits Hard for Working Moms
As working moms, we often feel like we’re walking a tightrope, trying to balance everything without falling. Society sets these sky-high expectations—we’re supposed to be a top performer at work, an engaged and present parent at home, and somehow manage it all without breaking a sweat.
The problem is that when we can’t live up to that perfect image, the judgment feels like it’s waiting around every corner.
It happens in the little moments that seem harmless at first. Maybe you skip a team lunch because you have errands to run during your break, and someone says, “Too busy for the rest of us?”
Or you remind your boss that you can’t stay late for a last-minute meeting, and they respond with a disappointed, “I guess we’ll figure it out without you.” These comments, even when casual or offhand, can stick with you, leaving a sting that’s hard to shake off.
And then there are the times when you’re simply trying to protect your priorities, but it feels like you’re being judged for it. Like when you leave a conference call at the exact time it ends, only to hear a sarcastic, “Off to save the day at home?”
Or when you decline to volunteer for yet another school event because you’ve already stretched yourself thin, and the response is a subtle but unmistakable, “Well, I guess someone else will have to step up.”
The emotional toll of these moments adds up quickly. Unfortunately, feeling judged or criticized can trigger guilt—like you’re letting someone down, whether it’s your coworkers, your kids, or yourself.
It can also lead to frustration, especially when you know you’re already giving your all but it feels like nobody sees that. And underneath it all is the nagging feeling of inadequacy, the sense that maybe you’re not doing enough, even when you know that’s not true.
What makes it even harder is the voice in your own head. Maybe you’ve told yourself things like, “I should’ve tried harder,” or, “Why can’t I just figure this out?”
It’s that inner critic that takes external judgment and amplifies it, making the weight feel even heavier. Instead of brushing off the comment or moving forward with confidence, you start to replay it, questioning every decision you made that day.
This cycle of external and internal judgment creates an impossible situation. You’re caught between wanting to meet everyone’s expectations and knowing that those expectations are unrealistic. And yet, the pressure doesn’t just go away.
The problem isn’t you—it’s the constant push to prove your worth in ways that don’t honor all that you already do. That’s why judgment and criticism can feel so heavy—it’s not just about what others think, but about the pressure you’ve internalized to be everything to everyone.
While we can’t always control what others say or do, we can control how we respond to it. Let’s explore what you can do to handle judgment and criticism in a way that feels empowering, not draining.
How Working Moms Can Take Back Control From Judgment and Criticism
The good news is that judgment and criticism only have power over you if you let them. Your feelings about someone’s comment aren’t caused by their words but by how you interpret them. Realizing this gives you the power to take back control.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ll never forget the time I was working at Deloitte and some coworkers would say, “Working a half day?” as I left the office at 5:30 to pick up my daughter from daycare. At first, it stung. I felt defensive, like I needed to justify why I was leaving or prove that I was working just as hard as everyone else.
But then I stopped myself and asked, “Why am I letting their comment bother me so much?” That’s when I realized something important: their comment wasn’t about me. It was about their frustrations and insecurities.
That mindset shift was everything. Instead of seeking their approval, I reminded myself that being there for my daughter mattered more than anyone’s opinion. I wasn’t leaving early—I was leaving on time to show up where I was most needed.
Now believe me, I get it. It’s not always easy to brush off comments like that, but there are ways to make it easier.
First, it helps to understand why judgment feels so personal. Our brains are wired to seek acceptance and avoid rejection—it’s part of how we’ve survived as humans.
So when someone makes a comment, even a small one, your brain might treat it like a threat to your belonging. That’s why it can feel so intense, even if the other person wasn’t trying to hurt you.
But often, their words reflect more about them than about you. When you see that clearly, you don’t have to carry the emotional weight of their opinions.
The next step is to reframe the criticism. Instead of internalizing it, ask yourself why you’re making the choices you are. For me, it was about being present for my family while still being professional and committed at work. Keeping that focus helped me let go of the negativity.
Over time, I realized I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. I just had to stand by my reasons and remind myself that they were valid.
That shift made a huge difference. I started to spend less time replaying conversations in my head and more time being present where it mattered most.
Another thing that helped is having a go-to thought when judgment crept in. One of my favorites is: “I’m not doing anything wrong—I’m doing what’s right for me.” It became a kind of anchor. When someone made a comment or gave me a look, I would return to that thought and move forward without spiraling into doubt.
Next, learn to set boundaries confidently. When you’re leaving work on time or prioritizing family, hold your head high. Communicate your decisions clearly if needed, but don’t feel the need to over-explain or apologize. Confidence sends a message that you value your time and your choices.
And most importantly, practice self-compassion. Replace those harsh, self-critical thoughts with something more supportive, like, “I’m doing the best I can for my family and myself.” You wouldn’t judge a friend for making the same decision, so why judge yourself?
The truth is, judgment can actually help clarify your priorities by encouraging you to ask, “What really matters to me?” and stand firm in your answer. You can’t control what others say or think, but you can absolutely control how you respond—and that’s where your power lies.
Judgment and criticism will always be part of the working mom experience—but they don’t get to define you. When you focus on what matters most to you and manage your thoughts with intention, everything feels lighter.
I stopped second-guessing myself and found more peace—not by doing more, but by trusting my choices. That’s where your real power comes from.
Questions to consider
Question: What really matters to me, and am I making choices that reflect that?
This is about getting clear on your priorities. When someone’s judgment starts to get to you, ask yourself, “Am I doing what matters most to me?” If the answer is yes, that’s all the validation you need.
Question: How do I usually react when someone judges me, and is it working for me?
Take a minute to think about it—do you get defensive, feel guilty, or spend way too much time replaying the situation in your head? If those reactions aren’t helping you, this is your chance to try something different, like reminding yourself why you’re making that choice in the first place.
Question: What am I telling myself about this situation, and is it actually true?
Sometimes it’s not even what someone else says—it’s the story we tell ourselves about it. Are you making it mean you’re failing? Or could you flip the script and remind yourself, “I’m doing what’s right for me, and that’s enough”? Shifting your perspective can make all the difference.