If you have ever hesitated to call yourself a leader, you are not alone. Many women in accounting guide clients, coordinate teams, make crucial decisions, and still second guess whether what they are doing counts as leadership. It does. The gap is not ability, it is recognition. In this post, we will explore why so many women resist the leader label and how to shift that pattern with clear, practical steps.
Why Calling Ourselves Leaders Feels Hard
A big reason is the model we have been shown. Traditional business culture has often celebrated a narrow style of leadership, one that prizes control, certainty, and hierarchy. When that is the picture on the wall, empathy, intuition, and collaboration can look out of place, even though they are core to effective leadership.
There is another layer. Many of us were trained in environments where emotion was seen as weakness, where pleasing others felt safer than setting firm boundaries, and where certainty mattered more than curiosity. Over time, those cues become habits. The brain builds pathways that make deference feel natural and authority feel risky. None of this means we are not leaders. It means our autopilot needs an update.
Leadership Is Not the Same as Management
Management focuses on tasks, timelines, and tools. Leadership sets direction, creates alignment, and builds trust. A leader points to a horizon and people choose to follow. You do not need perfect information to do that. You need clarity of intention, willingness to act, and the humility to course correct. That mix is available to every CPA mom, whether you are a solo practitioner with a part time assistant or a partner running a large team.
The Balance That Unlocks Your Best Leadership
Think of leadership as a dance between two energies. Your feminine side offers empathy, listening, collaboration, intuition, and the ability to hold space so others can thrive. Your masculine side offers decisiveness, structure, goals, systems, and forward motion. Too much of either can tip into a shadow version. Rigidity, control, and dismissal of emotion on one side. People pleasing, conflict avoidance, and lack of boundaries on the other. The magic is the balance. Use intuition to choose the path, then use structure to walk it. Use empathy to understand a team member, then use decisiveness to make the call.
Common Blocks That Keep Us Playing Small
- Carrying responsibility for other people’s feelings
- People pleasing that blurs boundaries
- Fear of conflict or of being labeled difficult
- Perfectionism that waits for certainty before acting
- Burnout that keeps your creative brain offline
None of these make you wrong. They are protective strategies your brain learned to keep you safe. The good news is that your brain can learn new strategies with practice.
A Kind, Practical Plan to See Yourself as a Leader
Step 1, Begin with awareness that is kind.
Notice where you default to old patterns, without harsh self talk. You are not fixing a flaw. You are aligning your habits with your intention to lead. Ask yourself, what did I do today that looked like leadership, and what got in my way?
Step 2, Regulate, then rewire.
Your best thinking lives in the part of your brain that lights up when you feel safe. If you are exhausted or in constant fight or flight, you cannot access it. Prioritize rest, sunlight, breath work, movement, and connection with people and pets who calm your system. From that steadier state, pick one small habit to retrain for 21 days. For example, Every client call ends with me proposing a clear next step. Expect resistance from your old wiring. Do it anyway, gently and consistently.
Step 3, Upgrade boundaries.
Empathy is a superpower, and it needs a container. Try this sentence starter in tough moments, I respect how you feel, and here is the decision that supports our goals. Boundaries protect your energy and increase trust. People do not follow fog.
Step 4, Build community and accountability.
Do not do this alone. Surround yourself with like hearted women who are practicing the same skills. Join a mastermind, a network, or a small peer pod that meets every two weeks. Share one leadership commitment, then report back. Community provides the nudge your old habits cannot give you.
Step 5, Raise your standards, lower your tolerance.
Decide what you will now require in your practice and what you will no longer accept. For example, I require written scopes before work begins. I no longer accept last minute rushes that bypass our process. Standards simplify decisions and model leadership for your team and clients.
Step 6, Own your results, good and not yet good.
When something works, claim the win. When it does not, own the outcome without drama, and adjust. That posture builds immense self trust, and self trust is the soil leadership grows in.
Everyday Practices That Reinforce the Shift
- Start each week by writing your one leadership outcome, not ten tasks
- In meetings, listen fully, then summarize, decide, and document next steps
- Replace I am sorry with Thank you for your patience when appropriate
- Keep a leadership wins list so your brain sees the evidence
- Schedule white space to think, leaders need time to see the horizon
Your Firm, Your Rhythm
You get to design a firm that fits your life. Maybe that means school drop offs, deep work blocks in the afternoon, and client calls two days a week. Maybe it means a tiny, mighty team with clear systems that free you to focus on advisory. There is no single right structure. There is only the one that aligns with your values and season of life. That clarity is leadership in action.
Closing Thought
You already lead, at home and at work. The work now is to recognize it, to trust it, and to practice it with a kinder voice in your head. Lead with empathy and structure. Choose a direction, move, and pivot when needed. Your team, your clients, and your family will feel the difference, and so will you.
Ready to practice leadership in community with women who get it? Start here, https://cpamoms.com/start