I want to start with a question that most of you really need to hear – what if self-confidence isn’t something you have to earn—but something you can create right now?
The truth is that self-doubt is something we’ve all experienced—at work, in our relationships, or when chasing personal goals. But I for one think it’s time we started doing something about it in a more proactive way.
Maybe you’ve hesitated to speak up in a meeting, convinced you needed more experience before your ideas mattered. Or maybe you’ve been putting off asking for a raise, waiting to feel more accomplished before advocating for yourself.
But here’s the thing: self-confidence isn’t about knowing everything or having proof that you’re good enough—it’s about trusting yourself to figure things out along the way.
Self-confidence is the belief that, no matter what challenges you face, you have what it takes to figure things out, to grow, and to get better over time. It’s a sense of assurance that doesn’t come from outside achievements or praise—it comes from within.
And that’s where many people get stuck. They wait for external validation—whether it’s a promotion, praise from a boss, or hitting a certain goal—before they allow themselves to feel confident.
But the tricky part is that this approach puts self-confidence on hold, always just out of reach, because you’re relying on things you can’t always control.
Here’s a different way to look at it: What if self-confidence is the very thing that helps us reach those achievements, rather than the other way around? What if confidence is something we can generate from within, without needing permission from the outside world?
Think about the times you’ve tried something new—something you’d never done before. You probably didn’t feel 100% ready or sure of yourself. But somewhere inside, you trusted that you could learn, improve, and eventually succeed.
In today’s episode I’m going to explore what self-confidence really means and how you can start building it in a way that lasts. We’ll look at why external validation isn’t the key to lasting confidence and how you can shift your mindset to believe in yourself, no matter the circumstances.
Because at the end of the day, self-confidence is less about what you’ve done and more about what you believe you’re capable of doing.
This week, I’m going to discuss the confidence trap: waiting for permission and shifting the focus: building confidence from within.
The confidence trap: waiting for permission
One of the biggest challenges we face as working moms when it comes to self-confidence is the belief that it’s something we’ll earn later—after we’ve balanced work and family perfectly or once we’ve achieved that next career milestone. It’s easy to think, “Once I’ve proven I can handle it all, then I’ll feel confident,” or, “When my boss praises me for my work, I’ll finally believe in myself.”
This mindset keeps confidence just out of reach, as it relies on external factors that aren’t always within your control.
Imagine this: It’s your first day back at work after maternity leave, and you’ve just dropped off your baby at daycare. You’re already running late because of a last-minute diaper blowout, and when you finally sit down at your desk, your inbox is overflowing.
You overhear a colleague talking about their latest success with a big client, and suddenly, you feel the weight of comparison sinking in. You think, “Once I’ve caught up on work, organized my home routine, and proved I can handle it all, then I’ll feel confident.”
But here’s the challenge: Life doesn’t always cooperate with perfect plans. Confidence doesn’t come from checking every box—it comes from trusting yourself, even on messy days like this.
Maybe you’ve been holding back in meetings, convinced that you need more experience before speaking up. You sit there, second-guessing yourself, thinking, “Once I have more years under my belt, then I’ll feel confident sharing my ideas.”
But have you ever noticed that the people who speak up aren’t necessarily the most experienced? They’re simply the ones who trust themselves to contribute.
So throughout this episode I’m going to share examples of before building unshakeable confidence and after building it:
Before building unshakable confidence: You hesitate to speak up in meetings, thinking you need more experience.
After: You realize confidence doesn’t come from experience—it comes from trusting yourself to figure things out.
Or maybe you’re juggling a big work project while managing your child’s busy schedule. You tell yourself, “Once I’ve successfully handled this without dropping any balls, then I’ll finally feel capable.” But then an unexpected work issue pops up, or your child needs help with a last-minute school project, and suddenly, your confidence wavers.
Before building unshakable confidence: You believe confidence comes from getting everything right.
After: You realize confidence is about trusting yourself to handle things, even when they don’t go as planned.
And what about that raise you’ve been wanting to ask for? You keep putting it off, telling yourself, “Once I complete this big project and prove my value, then I’ll feel ready.” But the truth is, there will always be another milestone, another project, another reason to wait. If you’re always looking for proof before believing in yourself, confidence will remain just out of reach.
Before building unshakable confidence: You keep delaying asking for a raise, waiting to feel more accomplished first.
After: You recognize that confidence doesn’t come from validation—it comes from knowing your worth now.
The real trap here is thinking that confidence must be earned through perfect results or acknowledgment from others. If you rely on external validation, like receiving praise from your boss or your family’s appreciation, your confidence becomes fragile—easily shaken by a bad day or a critical comment.
The truth is, confidence doesn’t come after you’ve proven yourself. It’s the thing that allows you to keep going, even when things don’t go perfectly.
Think about a time you faced something new—maybe you took on a leadership role at work or handled a difficult situation with your kids. You didn’t feel 100% sure of yourself, but you figured it out along the way.
Before building unshakable confidence: A piece of constructive criticism makes you doubt your abilities.
After: You recognize feedback as a tool for growth rather than a measure of your worth.
That’s the essence of self-confidence—it’s not about having all the answers upfront. It’s about trusting yourself to adapt and learn as you go.
If you’ve been holding off on asking for a raise, starting a new project, or taking time for yourself because you don’t feel confident enough yet, remember that confidence doesn’t require permission. It’s not something you have to earn after everything is “perfect.”
It’s a mindset you can choose today by trusting your ability to figure things out, no matter how many balls you’re juggling.
Before building unshakable confidence: You constantly feel like you’re failing at balancing work and family, waiting for the day when you finally “have it all together.”
After: You realize confidence isn’t about perfection—it’s about trusting yourself to handle challenges as they come.
You don’t need to wait for everything to be in balance before you start believing in yourself. Confidence isn’t something you wait for—it’s something you create.
Shifting the focus: building confidence from within
Now that we’ve uncovered the confidence trap, how do you break free from waiting for external validation? The key is to stop tying your self-confidence to what you’ve already accomplished or how perfectly you’re managing everything. Instead, it’s about shifting your focus inward—building confidence from within, not from outside results.
Think about a time when you were completely new to something. Maybe it was your first day at a new job, or the first time you dropped your child off at daycare and had to head back to work. You didn’t have it all figured out yet, but you did it anyway. You probably didn’t feel totally confident in the moment, but over time, as you adjusted and learned what worked for you, confidence naturally followed.
That’s because confidence isn’t about mastering every situation from the start—it’s about trusting that you can handle things, even when they don’t go as planned. It’s the belief that no matter what happens, you’ll find a way to navigate it.
Before building unshakable confidence: You second-guess yourself when making decisions, afraid of making the wrong choice.
After: You trust yourself to make the best decision with the information you have, knowing you can adjust as needed.
For working moms, this might mean giving yourself permission to not have all the answers right away and trusting that you’ll figure it out as you go.
Take another example: Maybe you’re considering a big career move, like switching jobs or starting your own business. The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, and it’s easy to think, “Once I feel more confident in my skills, then I’ll make the leap.”
But what if the confidence comes after you take that first step? The act of taking a risk, learning, and adapting builds the very confidence you’re waiting for.
Before building unshakable confidence: You wait until you feel “ready” before going after a big opportunity.
After: You take the first step, knowing that confidence is built through action, not before it.
So how can you start building self-confidence from within, right now? The first step is shifting how you think about failure and mistakes. Instead of seeing them as proof that you’re not good enough, recognize them as part of the learning process.
Every time you tackle a new challenge—whether it’s managing a tricky situation at work or navigating a tantrum at home—you’re building resilience. And resilience is what fosters long-term confidence.
Another important shift is learning to trust yourself, even when things aren’t perfect. Confidence doesn’t mean you won’t have moments of doubt—it means you trust yourself to push through those doubts.
Before building unshakable confidence: You tell yourself you’re not “good enough” if something doesn’t go as planned.
After: You recognize that setbacks are part of the process, not proof that you’re failing.
For working moms, that might look like showing up at work, even when you didn’t get much sleep the night before, or advocating for yourself in a meeting, even if your day started with a chaotic morning at home. It’s about believing in your ability to figure things out, regardless of the obstacles.
The bottom line? You don’t need to wait until you’ve done everything perfectly or earned someone else’s approval to feel confident. The real secret is understanding that self-confidence is a mindset you can cultivate from within—starting now.
Before building unshakable confidence: You assume confidence is something you either have or don’t have.
After: You see confidence as something you build with every challenge you navigate.
Self-confidence isn’t something you wait for or stumble upon—it’s something you build intentionally, step by step. And as a working mom, you’ve already been doing it, even if you don’t always recognize it.
Every time you face a new challenge, whether it’s at work or at home, and manage to get through it—even if it’s not perfect—you’re adding to your confidence toolbox.
The beauty of self-confidence is that it’s not dependent on everything going smoothly. It’s about trusting yourself in the mess, in the unpredictability, and knowing that you’re capable of handling whatever comes your way.
Before building unshakable confidence: You believe confidence comes from avoiding mistakes.
After: You realize confidence comes from trusting yourself to handle mistakes when they happen.
When things go off track, it’s not a sign that you lack confidence—it’s a chance to strengthen it by showing yourself that you can adapt, learn, and keep moving forward.
So the next time you feel the pull of self-doubt, remind yourself that confidence isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about having faith in your ability to navigate whatever comes next, even if you can’t see the whole path right now.
As a working mom, you’re already balancing so much, and the fact that you keep showing up is proof that you have everything you need to build the confidence you’re looking for.
Trust yourself, because you’ve been doing it all along.
Questions to consider
Question: “What am I waiting to achieve before I let myself feel confident?”
This question helps you identify where you may be holding back due to self-doubt, waiting for external validation or perfection before feeling confident. Once you identify what you’re waiting for—whether it’s a promotion, recognition, or balance—challenge the idea that you need it to feel confident. Start trusting your ability to handle challenges now, not just when you reach your goal.
Question: “How have I already shown resilience in situations where I didn’t feel confident?”
Reflecting on past experiences where you successfully navigated uncertainty can remind you that you’ve already built resilience and confidence, even in difficult times. It shifts focus from self-doubt to evidence of capability. Use these moments of resilience as proof that you can handle new challenges. Whenever self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself of how you’ve thrived in the past, despite not having all the answers upfront.
Question: “How can I start trusting myself more in moments of uncertainty?”
This question encourages active steps toward self-trust, which is a cornerstone of self-confidence. It makes you think about how you respond to uncertainty—do you hesitate, overthink, or second-guess yourself? Begin by giving yourself permission to take small risks and make decisions without overthinking. For example, in moments of doubt, instead of seeking reassurance from others, practice making a choice and trusting your ability to adjust if needed.