Today, I want to talk about something we all experience but rarely discuss openly: fear. Fear is incredibly common and affects every single one of us, whether we’re juggling work, home, or the million other things on our plates.
But, why should we talk about fear? Well, discussing fear is important because it helps us understand it better and, more importantly, learn how to deal with it.
When we talk about fear, we can see it for what it really is and realize that it doesn’t have to control our actions. By understanding and managing our fears, we can grow, take bold actions, and live more fulfilling lives. Imagine the things you could achieve if fear wasn’t holding you back!
The truth is that a lot of us think about fear in the wrong way. We often see it as a valid reason to stop in our tracks. We say things like, “I’m scared, so I can’t do this.”
But here’s the thing – fear is often just a sign that our minds aren’t being managed. In other words, it’s the primitive part of our brain that’s taken over, not the higher, executive functioning part.
It’s important to understand that fear doesn’t need to be a stop sign; it can be more like a blinking light saying, “Hey, pay attention to me!”
Even though fear can make us freeze or avoid taking action, it doesn’t have to be that way. In this episode I want to dive into how we can reframe our understanding of fear and turn it into something that helps us rather than hurt us.
The truth is that I see way too many women holding themselves back because of fear. Whether it’s fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of the unknown, these worries can stop us from pursuing our dreams and reaching our full potential.
For example, maybe you’ve hesitated to apply for a new job because you’re afraid you won’t get it, or maybe you’ve held back from starting your own business because you’re worried it might not succeed.
These fears are understandable, but they don’t have to be the final word.
I’ll be honest, my recent cancer diagnosis came with a lot of fear, especially the fear of the unknown. It was overwhelming to face such a significant health challenge, and the uncertainty about the future was daunting.
But through this experience, I learned some valuable lessons about managing fear that I want to share with you today. Going through this experience reinforced for me that fear doesn’t have to hold us back.
It’s okay to feel afraid, but we can choose to move forward anyway. Whether it’s a job application, a new business venture, or any other challenge, we have the strength to overcome our fears and achieve our goals.
This week, I’m going to discuss understanding fear and its roots, mismanaging fear and its consequences, and practical strategies for overcoming fear.
Understanding fear and its roots
Let’s start by understanding where fear comes from. Fear has been a crucial part of human survival for thousands of years.
Back in the day, our ancestors needed fear to stay alive. Imagine living in a world where wild animals could attack at any moment – fear kept our ancestors alert and ready to run away or defend themselves.
This survival mechanism was essential. Without it, humans might not have made it this far.
Fast forward to today, and we’re not usually running from predators anymore (thank goodness!). However, our brains haven’t quite caught up with modern life.
The same fear responses that helped our ancestors survive are still hardwired in us. But instead of protecting us from lions and tigers, these responses often kick in for things that aren’t actually dangerous.
Think about it: have you ever felt your heart race before giving a presentation or had sweaty palms before an important meeting? These reactions are your body’s way of preparing you to handle a threat – even if that “threat” is just speaking in front of a group of people.
Your brain can’t tell the difference between a physical danger and a social one, so it reacts in the same way.
It’s also important to understand the types of fear so that we can manage them better. For this discussion, I’m breaking them down into two categories – rational fears and irrational fears.
Rational fears are fears that make sense because they involve real dangers. For example, the fear of touching a hot stove is rational – it’s your brain’s way of protecting you from getting burned.
On the other hand, irrational fears are fears that don’t involve real danger but still trigger the same intense responses. A common one is the fear of public speaking.
Even though talking in front of others won’t physically harm you, it can feel just as scary as facing a predator. These fears often stem from thoughts about being judged or failing, and while they feel real, they’re based on imagined scenarios rather than actual threats.
By recognizing whether a fear is rational or irrational, we can start to address it more effectively. Rational fears can guide us to make safe choices, like not touching that hot stove. Irrational fears, on the other hand, can be challenged and managed so they don’t hold us back.
The bottom line is that understanding where our fear comes from and how it shows up in our lives today is the first step to beating it. By realizing that fear is a natural part of being human but often gets triggered by things that aren’t really dangerous, we can start to see it differently.
Instead of letting fear stop us, we can use this knowledge to take charge and keep moving forward, even when we feel scared.
Mismanaging fear and its consequences
Alright, let’s dive into how our minds can sometimes make fear worse. Fear often comes from irrational thoughts – these are thoughts that don’t really make sense when you think about them logically.
When our minds are mismanaged, we let these irrational thoughts take control. For example, you might think, “I’ll definitely mess up this presentation and everyone will laugh at me.”
This thought is likely blown out of proportion, but it can cause a lot of fear if you don’t manage it properly.
Now let’s talk about the fight-or-flight response. This is our body’s natural reaction to danger. Like I said before, back in the day, it helped our ancestors survive by preparing them to either fight the danger or run away from it.
Nowadays, this response can be triggered by non-threatening situations, like speaking in front of a crowd or going to a job interview. Even though these situations aren’t actually dangerous, our bodies react as if they are, making us feel anxious and stressed.
It’s important to understand that one of the reasons we struggle with fear is because our brains are often programmed with fearful beliefs that others teach us. From a young age, we learn from our parents, teachers, and society about what to fear.
Sometimes, these lessons are helpful, like not touching a hot stove. But other times, they instill irrational fears that hold us back.
For example, when I received my cancer diagnosis, fear initially kicked into overdrive. Think about it – society often hears the word “cancer” and automatically equates it with death.
Unfortunately, this belief is deeply ingrained, and our brains quickly latch onto it, making us panic.
But the truth is, the facts of our lives don’t mean anything until our brain makes them mean something. Our brain is automatically fear-based, interpreting situations in the most negative light unless we actively work to change that perspective.
So, the question is, how does all this fear affect our actions? Fear can be a big roadblock in both our personal and professional lives. It can stop us from doing things we really want or need to do.
For example, if you’re afraid of failure, you might not apply for a job you really want. Or if you’re scared of rejection, you might not share your ideas at work.
This means missed opportunities and not reaching your full potential. When we let fear take control, we hold ourselves back from growing and achieving our goals.
In our personal lives, fear can hold us back from enjoying time with our families or trying new things. Maybe you avoid social gatherings because you’re afraid of being judged, or you don’t try new activities with your kids because you’re worried about looking silly.
These fears can stop you from creating precious memories and enjoying life to the fullest.
Understanding how a mismanaged mind and the fight-or-flight response contribute to fear can help us see why it’s important to address our fears. Instead of letting fear dictate our actions, we can learn to manage our thoughts better, recognize when our fight-or-flight response is unnecessary, and take steps to move forward despite our fears.
Practical strategies for overcoming fear
Not let’s talk about some practical ways to handle fear. First off, it’s important to accept that fear is a natural part of life. Everyone feels it, and it’s completely normal.
The key is not to let fear stop you from taking action. You don’t have to wait until you’re fearless to move forward. In fact, some of the most powerful moments come when we take action despite feeling afraid.
Think about the courage it takes to apply for that new job, start a business, or even stand up for yourself. Accepting fear and moving forward anyway can be incredibly empowering.
One effective way to reduce irrational fears is through something called exposure therapy. This means gradually exposing yourself to what scares you in small, manageable steps until it feels less frightening.
For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, you could start by speaking in front of a small, supportive group of friends or family. As you get more comfortable, you can increase the size of your audience.
Over time, you’ll find that your fear diminishes and your confidence grows. It’s all about taking baby steps and building up your tolerance.
Another tip is to really sit with your fear instead of running from it. When you feel that anxiety, pause and let yourself experience it fully.
Notice what it feels like in your body – maybe your heart races, your palms get sweaty, or your stomach feels tight. By acknowledging these sensations and allowing yourself to feel them, you take away some of the fear’s power.
It’s like shining a light on a shadowy corner – once you see what’s there, it’s not as scary anymore.
Next, you can try a fear inventory exercise. This is a great way to get a clear picture of what’s holding you back.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen, and write down everything that scares you. Don’t hold back – list everything, big or small.
Once you’ve got your list, go through each fear and ask yourself if it’s rational or irrational. Is this fear based on a real danger, or is it an exaggerated thought?
For each irrational fear, write down a small step you can take to face it. This could be anything from practicing a speech in front of a mirror to signing up for a workshop that helps you build a new skill.
By breaking your fears down and taking actionable steps, you can start to manage them more effectively. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate fear completely – that’s impossible. The goal is to understand it, manage it, and not let it control your life.
My last suggestion is what I’ve been using to deal with my diagnosis. It’s using the tool that I’ve explained on this podcast and discussed more in my book, “The Smarter Accountant.”
I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but understanding that there are facts in our lives and then there are our brain’s negative interpretations of those facts had made it possible for me to have a very positive mindset about my cancer recovery.
I realized that I don’t have control over the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer, but I do have control of what I think about it, how I feel about it, what I do or don’t do, and what my experience will be. The fear-based part of my brain isn’t in charge unless I allow it to be.
So, next time you feel fear creeping in, remember these strategies. Accept it, take small steps to face it, sit with it when it comes up, make a plan to tackle it head-on, and separate out the facts from your thoughts about the facts.
You’ve got this, and you’re stronger than you realize. Fear is just a part of the journey, but it doesn’t have to be the boss of you.
Questions to consider:
Question: What are the fears that hold you back the most in your personal and professional life? Think about the areas where fear stops you from taking action. Is it fear of failure, rejection, or the unknown? Recognizing these fears is the first step in addressing them.
Question: How does your mind interpret situations that trigger fear, and is this interpretation always rational? Consider how your thoughts shape your fears. Are you imagining the worst-case scenarios? Challenge these thoughts and see if there’s a more balanced way to view the situation.
Question: What small steps can you take today to confront and manage your fears? Reflect on manageable actions you can take to face your fears. Whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, trying a new activity, or making a difficult decision, taking small steps can build your confidence and reduce fear over time.