Have you ever caught yourself replaying an old memory that still stirs up strong emotions, shaping how you feel today? It’s almost like you’re stuck in a loop, constantly going over what happened and wondering how things could’ve been different. But instead of helping us heal, reliving those moments keeps us stuck in the past.
We tend to think of our past like it’s this roadmap that determines where we’re headed and how we’re supposed to get there. If something painful or difficult happened, it can feel like we’re stuck carrying that weight forever, letting it influence everything—our decisions, our relationships, even how we see ourselves.
It’s like we’re telling ourselves, “Because this happened, I must be this way,” or “Since I made that mistake, I can’t do better now.”
But what if I told you that your past doesn’t have to control your future? Seriously, think about it. The experiences you’ve gone through, whether good or bad, don’t have to be the thing that defines your life today. It’s such a powerful thought, and honestly, it can change everything.
So, today, I want to talk about how we let our past define both our present and our future. I want to dive into why that happens and, more importantly, how we can start changing it. Because here’s the thing: your past is just that—the past. It’s done.
The only way it’s affecting you now is through the thoughts and feelings you’re still holding on to. And guess what? You have the power to change those thoughts.
Think about it. How many times have you replayed a situation in your head, wishing you’d done things differently? How many times have you felt stuck because of something that happened ages ago?
It’s as if you’re carrying around a heavy backpack filled with stuff you don’t need anymore, but you still keep lugging it around, thinking you have no choice.
But you do have a choice. The past is just one part of your story, and you get to choose which parts to focus on. You can learn from those experiences and then let go of the parts that aren’t serving you anymore.
It’s a chapter, not the whole book. You can even rewrite how you see those events, taking the lessons and leaving the rest behind.
I want to dive deeper into this idea of changing how we think about our past. We’ll explore why it’s so easy to get stuck in old patterns and, more importantly, how to break free from them. My hope is to help you see that you have the power to create a better, more fulfilling future by shifting how you relate to your past.
So, if you’ve ever felt weighed down by what’s behind you, if you’ve ever wondered why certain memories or experiences still tug at you today, stick around. This week, we’re going to talk about how to stop reliving the past and how to rewrite your story for more freedom.
This week, I’m going to discuss the trap of reliving your past and rewriting your story for freedom.
The trap of reliving your past
Have you ever found yourself replaying the same old memories, like you’re stuck in a loop? Maybe it’s that embarrassing moment at work, a breakup that still stings, or a mistake you made years ago that makes you cringe even now.
It’s like watching a movie you’ve seen a hundred times, but you keep hitting replay, even though it always leaves you feeling the same—regretful, sad, or angry.
That’s the trap of reliving your past. It happens to so many of us, often without even realizing it. We go back to those moments that hurt us, the times we felt wronged, or the things we wish we could change.
But instead of helping us heal or move forward, rehashing the past keeps us stuck, like we’re dragging old baggage into the present, where it doesn’t belong.
For example, let’s say school was tough for you—maybe you struggled with grades or never felt like you fit in. Fast forward to today, and you might still hear that voice in your head saying, “You’re not good enough” or “You’re never going to succeed.”
But here’s the issue—it’s not your school experience that’s holding you back now; it’s the way you’ve held onto those thoughts and carried them into your present. Those old beliefs are still affecting how you see yourself and what you think you can achieve.
Or maybe it’s a relationship that ended badly. You were hurt or betrayed by someone you trusted. That pain was real, no question.
But if you find yourself constantly going over what happened, wondering what went wrong or how you could have done things differently, you’re not just remembering the past—you’re reliving it. And by doing that, you keep that old wound open, even though the event itself is long over.
This is where the difference comes in—acknowledging the past versus letting it control us. When we acknowledge the past, we recognize what happened, understand how it affected us, and then decide how we want to move forward. It’s about learning from our experiences without letting them define who we are.
But when we let the past control us, we’re giving it the power to shape our present and future. It’s like we’re letting those old stories play on repeat, and they keep influencing our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
The pain and frustration aren’t coming from the events themselves—they’re coming from the thoughts you’re still holding onto. The past only has the power you give it, so it’s important to consciously release any regret, anger, or guilt that no longer serves you.
The good news is that we can change those meanings. We can reframe how we see the past, and in doing so, free ourselves from its grip.
When we stop reliving the past and start seeing it for what it is—a series of events that shaped us, not something that defines us—we open up all kinds of possibilities for our lives. We can acknowledge what happened, take the lessons we’ve learned, and then choose to focus on the present and the future, where our real power lies.
There will be moments when old memories come rushing back, and it feels like you’re right back where you started. That’s normal. Rewriting your story isn’t about wiping the slate clean instantly—it’s about making small shifts in how you think and feel over time.
Every time you pause and ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this?’ you’re taking a step toward freedom. It might feel slow, and some days it might not feel like progress at all, but those small moments of awareness build up and create lasting change.
Rewriting your story for freedom
Imagine if you could look back on your life and, instead of feeling weighed down by all the tough moments, you felt nothing but strength, wisdom, and gratitude. What if, instead of feeling stuck in the past, you felt empowered by it?
The good news? That’s not just some wishful thinking—it’s actually something you can do by rewriting your story.
The idea of rewriting your narrative is simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. It’s about taking control of how you see your past and choosing to focus on the lessons you’ve learned and the strengths you’ve gained, rather than the pain or the mistakes.
By doing this, you can free yourself from any negative emotions that might be holding you back and start living a life that aligns with who you truly want to be.
Let me give you a practical example. Maybe you had a tough childhood—lots of instability, maybe moving around a lot, financial struggles, or difficult family dynamics. It’s easy to look back on those years and only see the challenges, thinking they left you at a disadvantage in life.
But what if, instead, you decided to focus on what that experience taught you? Maybe it made you incredibly resilient or gave you a unique ability to adapt to new situations. Or perhaps it helped you develop a strong sense of empathy for others going through tough times.
When you shift your focus to these strengths, you start to see your past not as something that held you back, but as something that helped shape the strong, capable person you are today.
I had a very dysfunctional early childhood, with my dad divorcing my biological mother when I was one year’s old, him fighting for custody of me and winning, and then marrying my amazing step-mother. I had many things that happened to me that I could have let define me, but I just decided a long time ago that those things made me a fighter and less tolerant of drama as I grew up.
It could be a career setback for you. Maybe you lost a job, or an opportunity you were counting on didn’t work out. It’s totally normal to feel frustrated, even defeated, in those moments.
But instead of replaying that disappointment over and over, you can ask yourself, “What did I learn from this? How did it help me grow?” Maybe losing that job pushed you to develop new skills or led you to a better opportunity you wouldn’t have found otherwise.
Rewriting your narrative might sound empowering, but let’s be honest—it’s also scary. When you’ve been telling yourself the same story for so long, even if it’s a painful one, changing that story can feel unsettling.
It’s like part of you wonders, ‘If I let go of this, who will I be without it?’ But it’s important to know that rewriting your story doesn’t erase who you are. Instead, it allows you to embrace the full complexity of your experiences and see the strength in who you’ve become.
I know that shifting your focus from what you’ve lost to what you’ve gained can be incredibly hard, especially when those old beliefs feel so deeply ingrained. It’s not as simple as flipping a switch.
You might still feel that sting of regret or frustration creeping in, but acknowledging those emotions is part of the process. It takes real effort to start seeing your experiences through a new lens—and that’s completely okay.
I suggest that you start by identifying the lessons, strengths, and qualities that your experiences have brought into your life.
For example, if you went through a tough breakup, maybe it taught you the importance of self-love and setting healthy boundaries. If you faced a health challenge, perhaps it made you appreciate life more and take better care of yourself.
Letting go of those old feelings of guilt, regret, or anger isn’t something that happens overnight. Sometimes, those emotions feel like a safety net, even though they weigh us down. It’s almost like we’re afraid to let go because, in some way, holding onto them has become part of who we are.
But what if you could loosen your grip, little by little? What if you could slowly release the need to punish yourself for something that happened years ago?
It might also mean changing the way you talk to yourself about your past. Instead of saying, “I messed up,” you might say, “I learned something valuable from that experience.” Instead of thinking, “I was a victim,” you could think, “I’m a survivor, and I’m stronger because of it.”
Rewriting your story doesn’t mean denying what happened or pretending everything was perfect. It’s about choosing to focus on what empowers you instead of what holds you back. While we can’t change the events of our past, we can change the way we think about them—and that can change how they impact our life now.
When you redefine your past in a way that supports your growth, strength, and happiness, you give yourself the freedom to move forward with confidence. You’re no longer stuck in those old narratives that tell you who you are based on what happened to you.
Instead, you’re writing a new story, one where you’re the hero, stronger and wiser because of everything you’ve been through.
So, take a minute and think about the stories you’ve been telling yourself about your past. Are they serving you? If not, it might be time to start rewriting them. Focus on the positives—on your growth, on the lessons learned. Let go of what’s no longer helping you. As you change your narrative, you’ll start to change your life for the better.
I’ll share another personal example of how I’ve rewritten my own story for freedom. I think I’ve mentioned this before on the podcast, but a few years ago, a very close friend of mine ended our 15-year friendship out of the blue, with no explanation.
At first, I was hurt, confused, and even a little angry. I kept replaying our last conversations, wondering what went wrong. The lack of closure made it so hard to move on.
But I realized that dwelling on the pain wasn’t helping me. Instead of letting that abrupt ending define me, I chose to focus on the positive aspects of our friendship. We had shared so many good times, supported each other through challenges, and grown together over the years. I accepted that people change, and sometimes friendships naturally come to an end.
By shifting my perspective, I saw our friendship as a valuable chapter in my life rather than a painful loss. Letting go of the resentment helped me move forward with peace, and the experience made me more resilient.
Now, I look back on that friendship as something that contributed to my growth, and I’m able to embrace new relationships with an open heart, free from the weight of the past.
I’m not saying it was easy, and sure, there are still moments when the hurt sneaks in. But I know it’s not serving me in the present, so I choose to let it go.
The bottom line is that whatever happened in your past, whether it’s something big or small, remember—you’re the author of your story. Make sure you write it in a way that allows you to move forward and live freely.
Questions to consider:
Question: “What stories from my past am I still holding onto that no longer serve me?” Identify any memories or experiences that you keep replaying in your mind. Ask yourself if these stories are helping you grow or if they’re keeping you stuck in old patterns. Recognizing these stories is the first step toward rewriting them in a way that empowers you.
Question: “How can I reframe a difficult experience to highlight the lessons and strengths I gained from it?” Think about a challenging situation you’ve faced and consider what it taught you. Every experience, no matter how tough, can offer valuable lessons and contribute to your personal growth. By focusing on these positives, you can turn a painful memory into a source of strength.
Question: “Am I allowing my past to define my future, or am I actively shaping the future I want?” Consider whether you’re letting past events dictate your present actions and future goals. If your past is influencing your current decisions in a negative way, it might be time to reassess and take control. Remember, you have the power to shape your future by choosing how you think about your past.