Have you ever noticed how some thoughts just keep popping up, even when you’re not trying to think them? It’s like they’re on autopilot, running quietly in the background while you go about your day.
And it’s not just the good thoughts, either. It’s often the worries, the doubts, and those sneaky self-criticisms that feel like they’ve set up camp in our minds.
As moms, we juggle so much, and it can feel like our minds are always full. We’ve got thoughts about the kids, work, our relationships, and that never-ending list of things we feel we should be doing better. And even if we try to focus on the positive, those familiar thoughts seem to stick around, don’t they?
Here’s the interesting part: our brains are actually designed to hold on to those repeated thoughts. That’s right—our brains like to keep things simple and efficient, which means they don’t mind replaying the same mental soundtrack over and over.
On the one hand, this can be helpful. Think about all the things we do on autopilot—driving to work, brushing our teeth, or cooking breakfast. We don’t have to think about every little step, which frees up mental energy for other things.
But on the other hand, this tendency can also keep us stuck in patterns that aren’t really serving us. It’s like a playlist that we’ve outgrown, but we keep listening to it anyway.
I like to think of it like listening to Barney the Purple Dinosaur songs in the car when our children are grown and out of the house. Those songs might have been helpful for a fussy toddler, but they aren’t serving us now.
So, why is it so tough to change the way we think? If you’ve ever tried to “just think positively” or tell yourself something new and encouraging, you probably noticed that it feels awkward. It’s not as simple as flipping a switch.
Our minds like to follow paths they already know because they feel comfortable and safe—even if those paths aren’t exactly helping us. It’s kind of like trying to break in a new pair of shoes.
At first, it’s uncomfortable and clunky, but with time and practice, they start to fit just right. Our thoughts are like that, too.
The good news is that we can change this. We can create new ways of thinking and shift our focus toward things that empower us rather than hold us back. But it does take a little intention and patience.
This isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect or forcing ourselves to believe something that feels far-fetched. It’s more about gently guiding our minds toward thoughts that align with what we truly want for ourselves. Instead of letting our brains run on that same old playlist, we get to create one that lifts us up.
This week, I’m going to discuss why our thoughts keep us stuck and how to move toward new thoughts.
Why our thoughts keep us stuck
Our brains are funny—they love to stick with familiar thoughts, even if they’re not actually helping us. It’s like walking the same path over and over just because it’s there, even when it leads nowhere good.
Most of what runs through our heads is just habit. And while habits can be useful, they can also keep us stuck in patterns that don’t serve us. The brain is wired to filter out noise and make thinking easier, but that efficiency can also be pretty limiting.
Take those little background thoughts—“I’ll never catch up” or “I should be handling this better.” They seem small, but they shape how we see ourselves. And because they pop up automatically, we don’t always question them.
Even thoughts that seem harmless, like “I just have to survive tax season,” can add up over time. At first, they might feel practical, but they can reinforce the idea that work is something to push through instead of something you can actually manage with more ease.
The truth is, trying to think differently can feel weird at first because the brain loves its routines. If you’ve always thought, “I have to do everything myself,” shifting to “I can set small boundaries” might not feel natural right away. That’s just your brain clinging to what it knows.
And here’s the tricky part—our old thoughts are often tied to emotions that feel familiar, even if they’re not helpful. If you’re used to stress or frustration, your brain holds onto those feelings because they feel “normal.”
That’s why shifting to something more positive isn’t just about thinking differently—it’s also about feeling differently, which takes practice.
The good news is that you don’t have to believe everything your brain offers up. Thoughts are just habits, not facts.
And once you start questioning them, you can replace them with ones that actually serve you. It won’t happen overnight, but with a little patience and curiosity, you can break free from the thoughts that keep you stuck and create ones that help you move forward.
Moving toward new thoughts
Now that we’ve got an idea of why our minds cling to the same old thoughts let’s get into some practical steps for creating new ones. The goal isn’t to instantly flip a switch and feel positive all the time—no one can do that.
Instead, it’s about gradually shifting in a way that feels natural and realistic. Here’s a simple, step-by-step process to start moving toward new, empowering thoughts, along with examples to help make it all come together.
Step 1: Notice Your Current Thoughts
Start by becoming more aware of the thoughts that are running through your mind on a daily basis. You can try a “thought download”—just take a few minutes to write down everything that’s on your mind without judging or filtering it. Think of this as dumping the contents of your mental “junk drawer” out in front of you.
For example, let’s you’re feeling overwhelmed with work and family commitments. Your thought download might include things like, “I’m so behind,” “I can’t keep up,” and “There’s just too much to do.” Seeing these thoughts on paper can help you identify patterns and beliefs that are influencing your feelings and actions.
Step 2: Choose a New Thought That Feels Believable
Look over your thought download and pick one recurring thought that you’d like to change. The goal isn’t to jump to an overly positive statement that feels unrealistic. Instead, find a thought that feels like a small, positive shift—a statement you can actually believe.
For example, if your thought download included “I’m so behind,” going straight to “I’m on top of everything” might feel fake or forced. A more believable thought might be, “I’m doing my best with what I have right now.” This is a gentle, encouraging step up from your original thought and is likely something you can genuinely accept.
Step 3: Practice Your New Thought Regularly
Once you have a new thought that feels believable, make a plan to practice it. This could mean setting reminders on your phone, writing it on sticky notes around the house, or repeating it to yourself during moments of quiet, like brushing your teeth or getting ready in the morning. Practicing the thought consistently is what will help it start to feel natural.
For example, if you chose, “I’m doing my best with what I have right now,” you might repeat it each time you start to feel overwhelmed. You could even set a reminder on your phone to pop up every few hours with this thought, reinforcing it as you go through your day.
Step 4: Gradually Build on Your New Thought
As your initial thought starts to feel comfortable and familiar, you can gradually build on it, adding layers that bring you closer to the belief you ultimately want. Think of this as taking small steps up a ladder, rather than trying to leap to the top.
For example, after practicing, “I’m doing my best with what I have right now,” you might feel ready to shift to, “I’m finding ways to get things done more efficiently.” Eventually, you might move to, “I’m capable of managing my time effectively.” Each step up is a gentle progression toward a more empowering belief.
The bottom line is that shifting our thoughts takes a bit of time and persistence, but these small steps make it manageable. Over time, each tiny change in thought adds up to a noticeable shift in how we feel and how we approach challenges.
The idea isn’t to force ourselves to think positively all the time; it’s to gently guide our minds toward thoughts that lift us up and help us grow. Instead of defaulting to “I’ll never catch up on everything,” what if you practiced, “I can focus on one thing at a time and still make progress”? Small shifts like this can change how you approach your workday.
So, as you go forward, remember to be gentle with yourself. Start small, choose thoughts that feel believable, and give yourself the grace to grow at your own pace.
These little mental shifts can lead to big changes over time, helping you create a mindset that supports your goals, your happiness, and the life you truly want to build. You’ve got everything you need to get there—one thought at a time.
Questions to consider
Question: “What’s a Thought I Keep Coming Back to, and How Does It Make Me Feel?”
Sometimes, we don’t even realize how often we’re thinking the same thoughts. This question helps you become more aware of what’s running through your mind and how it’s affecting you. Maybe it’s a thought like “I’ll never catch up” or “I’m always tired.” By identifying it and recognizing the feeling it brings up—stress, worry, or frustration—you’ll see how these thoughts shape your daily experience.
Question: “What’s a Small Shift I Could Make in This Thought to Feel a Little More Empowered?”
Often, the goal isn’t to completely change your thought in one go, but to make a small, realistic shift that brings a bit more peace or encouragement. This question helps you reframe thoughts in a way that feels doable rather than forced, allowing you to gradually move toward more positive beliefs.
Question: “What’s a Thought I Want to Practice Daily, and How Can I Remind Myself of It?”
Creating a new thought takes repetition and reinforcement. Choosing a thought to practice each day keeps your focus on the change you want to make, and finding ways to remind yourself ensures it doesn’t get lost in the busyness of daily life.