Today I want to talk about something that I’ve been hearing a lot of working moms saying lately: “This shouldn’t be so hard.” Think about it – how many times have you found yourself in the middle of a chaotic morning routine, juggling breakfast, backpacks, and briefcases, thinking, “It shouldn’t be this difficult”?
Or maybe you’ve hit a snag at work, trying to meet a deadline while also coordinating pick-up times for soccer practice, and you’re left wondering, “Why can’t this be easier?”
I get it; I’ve definitely been there, and chances are, so have many of you. As working moms, we often carry this unspoken expectation that things should be smoother, simpler, and, well, just easier.
After all, isn’t that what we see on social media? The picture-perfect moms effortlessly managing their careers, their homes, and their sanity, all with a smile on their face and a latte in hand.
But let’s face it, that’s not the reality for most of us.
The truth is that no one handed us a manual when we became moms, especially not one that promised a smooth ride. Sure, we may have received well-meaning advice from friends, family, and parenting books, but nobody really warned us about the whirlwind of chaos and challenges that comes with balancing work and motherhood.
And let’s not forget about those unexpected curveballs life throws our way—sick kids, demanding bosses, surprise school projects due tomorrow—that can turn even the most organized day upside down.
But here’s the thing: what if we stopped fighting against the “hard” in life? What if, instead of constantly pushing against the tide, we learned to embrace the challenges that come our way?
It may sound unrealistic, but bear with me for a moment as I explain why it’s time to stop saying, “This shouldn’t be so hard.”
This week, I’m going to discuss why we think it should be easier, and how to embrace the hard and change our perspective.
Why we think it should be easier
Have you ever found yourself trapped in the comparison game, scrolling through Instagram, feeling like everyone else has their life together except you? Or maybe you’ve had a moment where you thought, “Why is this so hard for me when it seems so easy for everyone else?”
Believe me, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there. And while it’s tempting to get caught up in the highlight reels of others’ lives, it’s important to remember that we’re only seeing one side of the story.
But what we don’t see are the struggles and sacrifices behind those perfect pictures. We don’t see the late nights, the moments of self-doubt, or the support systems that make those achievements possible.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and what we see online is just a small part of a much bigger picture.
I think one of the biggest issues we have as working moms is societal expectations. These are those invisible rules that seem to govern every aspect of our lives, especially when it comes to being a working mom.
It’s like there’s this unspoken checklist society expects us to follow: get good grades, climb the career ladder, maintain a Pinterest-worthy home, be an active PTA member, and somehow still find time to practice self-care. No pressure, right?
But here’s the issue—these expectations are often unrealistic and downright exhausting. We’re bombarded with images of other working moms effortlessly juggling work and family life and looking flawless while doing it.
And while it’s great to celebrate the victories and achievements of fellow moms, it can also create this impossible standard that leaves the rest of us feeling like we’re constantly falling short.
The truth is that we’ve all bought into the belief that life should be easy at some point. We have this misperception that if we’re doing something right, it should come naturally and without struggle.
But let me tell you, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Life is messy. It’s unpredictable. It’s filled with unexpected twists and turns that can leave us feeling like we’re navigating a maze blindfolded. And yet, we cling to this idea that if something is hard, it must mean we’re doing it wrong.
But here’s what I most want you to know – struggles are not a sign of failure; they’re a sign of growth. They’re an opportunity to learn, to adapt, and to become stronger versions of ourselves.
We have to learn to take a step back and give ourselves permission to embrace the messiness of life. Because when we let go of the idea that things should be easy, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and growth.
Embracing the messiness means accepting that it’s okay to struggle and that it’s normal to have days when things don’t go as planned. You didn’t land that client, your kid didn’t do well on that test you helped them study for, or that routine exam shows a serious health issue – it’s all part of it.
Believe me, I get that we’d all like life to be a little easier on us, but it’s in the messy moments where the magic happens.
Embracing the hard and changing your perspective
Now I want to talk about embracing the hard things and flipping our perspective. Trust me, it’s not as hard as it sounds; it’s just that your brain is used to making things seem harder than they are.
So how do you do that? It starts with radical acceptance.
Radical acceptance is all about acknowledging reality for what it is without judgment or resistance. It’s about saying, “Yes, this sucks, but it is what it is.”
The reason why this is so important is because once we stop fighting against the reality of a situation, we free up all this mental energy to actually deal with the problem at hand. It’s like taking off a heavy backpack —you suddenly feel lighter and ready to tackle whatever life throws your way.
Here’s the thing – when we approach challenges with a mindset of radical acceptance, something magical happens: we start to see them in a whole new light. What once seemed like an insurmountable obstacle becomes an opportunity for growth and learning.
For example, let’s say you’re struggling to find a balance between work and family life. Instead of beating yourself up over not being able to do it all, you take a step back and acknowledge that you’re not supposed to do it all or do it alone.
Instead, you accept that it IS hard to be a working mom and that it’s okay to ask for help. You remind yourself that maybe it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being.
Suddenly, what felt hard and impossible can become easier to accept and deal with.
But don’t get me wrong. Reframing difficulties as opportunities for growth is easier said than done.
It takes practice, patience, and a whole lot of self-compassion. But trust me when I say it’s worth it.
Think about it this way: every time we encounter a challenge, we’re given a chance to learn something new about ourselves. We discover our strengths, our weaknesses, and our resilience in the face of adversity.
For example, back in December, when I wound up with a detached retina and emergency eye surgery, I was hit the realization that not only would I have to be face down for ten days straight, but I would have a gas bubble in my eye for 3 months, I wouldn’t be able to walk properly for a while, and I would also never have the same vision in my left eye.
I remember thinking, “This isn’t fair. I’ve been through enough in my life.” But then I realized that for every “unfair” thing that has happened in my life, I have become stronger and more resilient than before each thing happened.
That’s why when a routine checkup showed a suspicious ovarian cyst recently, I said to myself, “You dealt with the eye surgery; you can deal with this.” I didn’t tell myself, “This isn’t fair,” I just reminded myself that I can do hard things.
I was even listening to a podcast where the host was talking about choosing a word of the year and that anytime of year is a great time to choose your word. I thought about what she said and decided that my word for 2024 is brave.
The definition I like is “Bravery involves feeling fear but choosing to act despite it. A brave person acknowledges the fear but does not let it prevent them from taking action.”
So what is it for you that has you saying, “It shouldn’t be so hard?” Is it that never-ending commute that feels like a daily battle? Or is it the guilt that creeps in every time you have to choose between a work deadline and your child’s school event?
Maybe it’s the constant struggle to find time for self-care amidst the chaos of everyday life. Or is it something more personal, like navigating a difficult relationship with a colleague or managing your own self-doubt and imposter syndrome at work?
It could even be the challenge of setting boundaries and saying no when your plate is already overflowing. Or maybe you’ve made a big leap, and you’re hitting obstacles on your new path, like making the transition from being an employee to becoming a mompreneur.
Whatever it is, big or small, know that you’re not alone. Every working mom faces her own unique set of challenges, but it’s how we approach and overcome them that truly defines us.
Here are some practical tips to implement radical acceptance and shift your perspective:
Acknowledge Your Feelings – Take a moment to recognize and name what you’re feeling. This simple act can help you process your emotions rather than ignoring or suppressing them.
Mindfulness Practice – Engage in mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. These practices can help you stay present and reduce resistance to difficult situations.
Journaling – Write down your thoughts and feelings about a challenging situation. Reflecting on paper can provide clarity and help you accept the reality of the situation.
Affirmations – Use affirmations to reinforce acceptance. Phrases like “I can handle this,” “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “I accept things as they are” can be powerful.
Seek Support – Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your struggles. Sometimes, sharing your burden can make it feel lighter and help you gain perspective.
For shifting your perspective you can:
Reframe Your Thoughts -When faced with a challenge, consciously reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking, “This is impossible,” try, “This is a chance to learn and grow.”
Set Realistic Expectations – Understand that perfection is unattainable. Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself, recognizing that it’s okay to make mistakes and face difficulties.
Focus on Solutions – Instead of dwelling on problems, shift your focus to finding solutions. Break down the challenge into manageable steps and tackle them one at a time.
Celebrate Small Wins – Acknowledge and celebrate small achievements. This practice can boost your confidence and motivate you to keep going.
Practice Gratitude – Regularly reflect on things you’re grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus from what’s wrong to what’s going well in your life. I’m going to be doing an entire episode on radical gratitude because I believe it’s incredibly important.
Learn from Others – Read or listen to stories of others who have overcome similar challenges. This can provide inspiration and practical strategies you might not have considered.
To help you apply these tips in your daily life, I suggest a morning routine where you start your day with a short mindfulness practice or positive affirmations to set a positive tone. When facing a difficult task at work, pause, take a deep breath, and reframe the task as an opportunity to improve a skill or learn something new.
When parenting feels overwhelming, remind yourself that it’s okay to ask for help. Delegate tasks or seek support from your partner or community. Lastly, when life throws an unexpected challenge, practice radical acceptance by acknowledging the situation and focusing on what you can control.
By integrating these practical tips into your daily life, you can cultivate a mindset of acceptance and resilience, making it easier to navigate the challenges that come your way.
For now, take a moment to reflect on what’s been weighing on your mind lately, and consider how you can apply radical acceptance and a fresh perspective to tackle it with confidence and grace. Remember, you’re stronger and more capable than you think.
And don’t forget, it’s never too late to pick a word of the year. No matter what you’re struggling with, what word do you want to represent you?
The truth is that with each obstacle we overcome, we become a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser, and a whole lot more badass.
Summary
The truth is that no one handed us a manual when we became moms, especially not one that promised a smooth ride. Sure, we may have received well-meaning advice from friends, family, and parenting books, but nobody really warned us about the whirlwind of chaos and challenges that comes with balancing work and motherhood.
What if we stopped fighting against the “hard” in life? What if, instead of constantly pushing against the tide, we learned to embrace the challenges that come our way?