Have you ever wondered why it’s so tough to make the changes we want, even when we know they’ll make our lives better? Maybe you’ve decided to start a new habit, like waking up early to exercise or spending more quality time with your kids, but somehow, it just doesn’t stick. You have the best intentions, but following through can feel like an uphill battle.
It’s not about a lack of effort or something being wrong with you. Our brains are simply wired to resist change, even when it’s something we really want.
This resistance isn’t about willpower; it’s just how our minds are built—favoring familiar routines, even when they no longer serve us.
Think about how often you’ve set a goal, like starting a new exercise routine or trying to eat healthier, only to find yourself slipping back into old patterns. It can feel frustrating, like you’re stuck in a loop, always wanting to improve but somehow ending up in the same place.
This is something most of us experience at one time or another, and it’s not about lacking the motivation to change—it’s about understanding the natural resistance that comes with trying to shift our habits.
So why is change so hard? The answer lies in how our brains are designed. They’re wired for efficiency, meaning they like to conserve energy by sticking to what they know.
This preference for the familiar can make it challenging to adopt new behaviors, even when we know they’ll benefit us in the long run. But just because change is hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
By understanding why our brains resist change, we can start to develop strategies to make those changes a little easier. This isn’t about fighting against our natural tendencies but rather about finding ways to work with them.
That’s why I want to explain why our brains resist change and how we can overcome that resistance to create the habits and routines we truly want. It’s all about learning to navigate the way our minds work so we can finally make those lasting changes that lead to a better, more fulfilling life.
This week, I’m going to discuss the brain’s efficiency mode, why some habits are tougher to break, and using your brain to overcome resistance.
The brain’s efficiency mode
Let’s talk about how our brains love efficiency. Think of your brain like a master multitasker, always looking for the easiest way to get things done. It’s designed to conserve energy by sticking to habits and routines that don’t require much thought.
The more automatic something is, the happier your brain is. This is why, without even realizing it, you might find yourself doing the same things the same way every single day.
For example, think about your morning routine. You probably wake up, grab your phone, check your messages, and maybe scroll through social media—all before you even get out of bed.
You don’t have to think about these actions; they’ve become automatic. Your brain has wired these steps together so tightly that they happen almost effortlessly. It’s like your brain is on autopilot, guiding you through the motions with minimal energy use.
The same thing happens when you drive to work. If you’ve been taking the same route for a while, your brain doesn’t need to think about every turn or stoplight.
You might even arrive at your destination and realize you don’t remember much of the drive. That’s because your brain has turned this repetitive task into a well-worn path, allowing you to focus your mental energy on other things.
Now, this efficiency is great when it comes to things like brushing your teeth or making your morning coffee. But it can also work against you when you’re trying to make a change.
Let’s say you want to start drinking more water throughout the day. Sounds simple enough, right? But if your current habit is to reach for a soda or coffee instead, your brain is going to push you toward that familiar choice. It’s not because you don’t want to drink more water; it’s because your brain is more comfortable sticking with what it knows.
This is where the concept of neuroplasticity comes in. Neuroplasticity is a fancy word for your brain’s ability to change and adapt.
The amazing thing about our brains is that they can rewire themselves, creating new pathways for new habits. But here’s the catch: it takes effort and repetition.
Your brain isn’t going to create a new habit overnight. It needs time to build those connections, and it’s going to take some work on your part to make it happen.
Imagine trying to create a new path through a forest. The first few times, it’s tough. You have to push through the brush and clear the way. But the more you walk that path, the easier it gets. Eventually, it becomes just as smooth and familiar as the old one.
That’s what happens in your brain when you try to establish a new habit. At first, it feels hard because your brain is used to the old way of doing things. But with enough repetition, that new habit starts to feel just as natural.
So, while your brain’s efficiency mode can make change feel difficult at first, it’s not impossible. By understanding that your brain is just trying to conserve energy, you can be more patient with yourself as you work to create new habits.
It’s about recognizing that change takes time and that your brain needs consistent practice to make that change stick.
Why some habits are tougher to break
Let’s dive into why certain habits—especially those tied to strong emotions—are so tough to break. You know those habits I’m talking about, the ones that feel like they have a mind of their own.
Maybe it’s reaching for a snack when you’re stressed or scrolling through social media when you’re feeling bored. These are the habits that seem to stick no matter how much you try to change them, and there’s a reason for that.
Our brains are not just efficiency machines; they’re also very emotional. When a habit is connected to a strong emotion, whether it’s stress, anxiety, or even happiness, it gets locked in a little tighter.
This is because your brain learns to associate the habit with the emotional relief or pleasure it provides. So, every time you reach for that bag of chips after a long day or dive into your phone for a quick escape, your brain is reinforcing the connection between the habit and the emotional payoff.
Take comfort eating as an example. After a tough day at work, it feels good to indulge in a favorite snack. That little burst of pleasure you get from eating something tasty is your brain’s way of rewarding you for “taking care of yourself” in the moment.
But over time, this can turn into a habit where every time you’re stressed, your brain automatically tells you, “Hey, let’s go grab that snack. It makes us feel better.” The more you do it, the more deeply ingrained this habit becomes because your brain is associating the snack with comfort and relief.
Or think about procrastination. Let’s say you have a task you’re dreading—maybe it’s a big project or a challenging conversation you’ve been putting off. Instead of tackling it, you find yourself checking your phone, cleaning the house, or doing anything but the task at hand.
Why? Because avoiding that task gives you temporary relief from the stress or anxiety it causes. Your brain recognizes that avoiding the task makes you feel better, at least for the moment, so it encourages you to keep doing it.
This is why procrastination can be so hard to break—it’s not just about avoiding work; it’s about avoiding uncomfortable emotions.
These emotionally charged habits aren’t a reflection of a lack of willpower or a flaw in your character. They’re simply your brain doing what it’s designed to do: keeping you in a state of comfort and efficiency.
Your brain doesn’t want you to feel stressed, anxious, or uncomfortable, so it looks for ways to soothe those feelings as quickly as possible. And once it finds a habit that does the job, it sticks with it.
But here’s the thing—just because your brain is wired to seek comfort doesn’t mean you’re stuck with these habits forever. Understanding that these patterns are rooted in your brain’s natural design can help you be more compassionate with yourself as you work to change them.
It’s not about fighting against your brain or beating yourself up for having these habits. Instead, it’s about recognizing that your brain is trying to help you, even if the habits it’s clinging to aren’t really serving you in the long run.
Breaking these emotional patterns is going to take some effort, but it’s absolutely possible. The key is to start by becoming aware of the emotions driving your habits.
Once you understand that connection, you can begin to create new, healthier habits that still provide the emotional relief you need, but in a way that supports your goals rather than working against them.
Using your brain to overcome resistance
Let’s talk about how you can use your brain’s natural tendencies to your advantage, especially when it comes to overcoming resistance to change. One of the most effective ways to do this is by making decisions ahead of time. This might sound simple, but it’s a game-changer when it comes to beating the mental fatigue that often derails our best intentions.
Picture this: It’s the end of a long day, and you’ve promised yourself you’re going to exercise after work. But by the time you get home, you’re exhausted, and the idea of lacing up your sneakers feels impossible.
This is where brain fatigue kicks in. Your brain has spent the whole day making decisions, solving problems, and managing stress, so when it’s time to make one more decision—whether to exercise or just relax—it naturally gravitates toward the path of least resistance.
But here’s the trick: if you’ve already made that decision ahead of time, you’re much more likely to follow through. When you plan in advance—deciding in the morning that you’ll exercise at 6 PM, for example—you’re taking the pressure off your tired brain.
You don’t have to waste energy debating whether or not to do it because the decision has already been made. This allows you to bypass that last-minute struggle and go straight into action.
Now, let’s add another layer to this strategy: visualization. Visualization is more than just daydreaming; it’s a powerful tool that can help your brain get comfortable with new behaviors. In fact, athletes use this all the time to overcome their brain’s resistance to change.
The truth is that when you repeatedly imagine yourself doing something—whether it’s exercising after work, choosing a healthy snack, or staying calm during a stressful situation—your brain starts to treat that imagined scenario as familiar. And remember, your brain loves familiarity. The more familiar something feels, the less resistance you’ll face when it comes time to actually do it.
So how do you put this into practice? Here are some steps to help you start using your brain to overcome resistance:
Step #1 – Pay Attention to Current Patterns: The first step is to become aware of the habits and routines you currently have. Notice when and where you feel resistance—whether it’s reaching for unhealthy snacks, skipping a workout, or procrastinating on important tasks. Awareness is key because you can’t change what you’re not conscious of.
Step #2 – Make a Commitment Ahead of Time: Once you’ve identified the patterns you want to change, decide ahead of time what you’re going to do differently. This could mean planning your meals for the week on Sunday, setting a specific time for your daily exercise, or even deciding in the morning that you’ll spend 30 minutes reading before bed instead of scrolling through your phone. By making these decisions in advance, you reduce the chances of falling back into old habits when your brain is tired.
Step #3 – Use Repetition to Form New, Efficient Habits: The final step is repetition. The more you practice your new behavior, the more your brain will adapt to it. Just like how your brain created those well-worn paths for your old habits, it can create new ones for the habits you want to establish. It might feel difficult at first, but with consistency, your brain will eventually start to follow the new path more naturally, requiring less and less effort over time.
By making decisions ahead of time and using visualization, you’re essentially training your brain to become more efficient at the behaviors you want to adopt. It’s about working with your brain’s natural tendencies rather than against them.
And while it might take some time and effort, the payoff is that you’ll start to see those new habits becoming just as automatic—and a lot less resistant—as the old ones.
Just remember, change might feel challenging, but it’s not because you lack the willpower or motivation. It’s simply how your brain is wired. By understanding how your brain works, you can start using its natural efficiency to your advantage.
The bottom line is that it’s not about fighting your brain—it’s about working with it to build the habits that lead to the life you want. With patience and persistence, those new behaviors will become as natural as the ones you’re ready to leave behind.
Questions to consider:
Question: “What current habit or routine do I want to change, and what emotion is driving that behavior?” Take some time to think about a habit you’d like to change. Write down the emotion you feel when engaging in that habit. This awareness is the first step in breaking the cycle and beginning to form a new, healthier habit.
Question: “How can I make a decision ahead of time to support the new habit I want to build?” Decide on a specific action you’ll take to replace an old habit with a new one. For example, if you want to drink more water, plan to fill a water bottle every morning and keep it with you throughout the day. The key is to make this decision when you’re not in the heat of the moment, so you’re more likely to stick with it.
Question: “How can I visualize myself successfully following through with my new habit?” Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself engaging in the new habit. Imagine the details—how it feels, what you’re doing, and the positive outcome. The more vividly you can picture this, the more natural it will feel when you actually do it.